Forgiveness

I read through this a couple of times to make sure I answered all the questions that popped into my head as I read it. What do you think?

Once, I loved a man with my entire heart and soul. I gave him everything I had. I trusted him more completely than I ever imagined. He took that trust and twisted it around his delicate fingers until it cracked under the pressure. I left him in a fit of anger and never looked back.

Then he entered my life again. I looked up from my order pad to find those soft blue eyes gazing deep into my own. He smiled shyly and raised his hand in a slight wave. My lips could not return his smile and my hand would not return his wave. I jotted down my customer’s order and spun on one heel. Hurried footsteps carried me to the kitchen.

I had enough forethought to grab some empty plates so no one even glanced at me. I slipped into the dimmest corner of the kitchen where our young dishwasher enthusiastically scraped bits of food and soiled napkins from each plate before gently lowering them into sudsy water. He offered me a lopsided grin as he noticed me meditating on his rhythmic cleaning.

“Hey, Karen. You can drop those anywhere.”

“Thank you.” I mumbled, adding them to the smallest pile on a nearby cart.

He glanced at me questioningly as I lingered. “Something wrong?”

“No. Not at all. If anyone asks, I’m taking my break.”

He nodded his assent and began whistling as he turned his back to me and bent over his chore. I pushed open the heavy door into the narrow alley. The overpowering scents of cigarettes and dumpsters overwhelmed me as I peered around the door. I glanced around to be sure of my solitude before stepping out into the chill fall morning. I leaned back against the wall as a single tear slid down my cheek. As more tears followed, memories flooded my mind.

~~

Three years younger and infinitely more innocent, my breath caught as Joel walked me to my door after our third date. He reached for my hand, pulling gently until I turned to face him.

“You didn’t have to…” My words faded as I saw the look on his face.

He smiled a little and leaned toward me. Our free hands sought each other as I leaned into him. Our lips met tentatively. I barely registered the softness of his lips, tinged with the sweetness of unflavored lip balm, before he pulled back to offer me that same sweet smile.

“Sleep well. I’ll see you soon.”

~~

Then my mind stepped forward a few months. I arrived home from a rough day at the diner to find him waiting for me. Snowflakes swirled around him as he leaned against my door.

“There she is.” As his face lit up, he pulled his hand out from under his long coat.

He extended a bouquet of bluebells toward me. Their soft scent flooded toward me. I smiled and reached for them.

“How did you get bluebells in December?”

“I have my sources.”

As I took the bouquet from him, I breathed in deeply. Their sweet perfume washed away the hassles of a day serving ungrateful customers. As my lips twitched, he reached for my free hand.

“I thought they’d get you in the right mood for what I need to say.”

I felt the corners of my lips fall and disappointment crept into my voice. “Oh?”

“Don’t worry.” He wrapped his free arm around me, pulling me close so he could whisper in my ear. “I just wanted to tell you that I love you.”

My face flushed as our lips met before I could assure him that my feelings matched his.

~~

My mind moved forward to about six months prior. My heart raced with the same anticipation as the scene unfolded in my mind.

“You look beautiful.” Joel reassured me, as I looked at myself skeptically in the dark paint of his Toyota Camry.

I smiled as he opened the door and helped me into the car. I reached for the door to close it and he stopped me, leaning over to tuck my skirt safely inside the car. Then he blew me a kiss and closed the door. He kept me laughing as he drove us to dinner. When we arrived at the restaurant, he rushed to my side of the car.

“Close your eyes.” He said, as we reached the door.

“What?”

“Trust me.”

I closed my eyes. The door squealed a little as he pulled it open and guided me inside. As a second door opened, the soft scents of a dozen tempting meals wafted over me. My eyelids fluttered.

“Keep them closed a couple more seconds.” He whispered in my ear.

I giggled as his warm breath tickled me. He stepped behind me to place his hands on my shoulders. Under the gentle pressure of his palms, I took tiny steps to get to our table. I heard the conversations at other tables taper off as we walked past them. Soon his hands tightened on my shoulders. I stopped moving. The smell of bluebells hung heavily here.

“Open your eyes.”

I opened my eyes to find a table covered in bluebells. Nestled among the delicate crystal vases of wildflowers, a large card bore neatly scripted words in gold ink.

“Karen, will you marry me?” Joel knelt at my side as he repeated the words on the card.

~~

The one memory that I tried so hard to shove aside and hide away followed this one into my mind.

The hardwood door of the apartment I would soon share with my new husband gleamed under the fluorescent lights as I transferred the garment bag holding my wedding dress to my left hand. I fumbled for my keys. As the key clicked in the lock and the tumblers began to move, a soft female voice filtered through the door.

“Oh, Joel.”

I froze. The dress fell from my hand. As it crumpled on the floor, my other hand tightened on the flat end of the key. I twisted it until the tumblers finished falling away from each other. Then I used my now free left hand to twist the doorknob. I followed the door into the room. I gasped as tears began to form in my eyes.

Slender, tan legs wrapped around familiar hips. Strong, broad shoulders rippled under equally tan fingers capped in long, red nails. The hands disappeared as Joel’s hands reached up to grip her wrists.

“Janice…” Joel’s breathless voice calling out another woman’s name, my best friend’s name, rammed home the arrow of seeing him tangled up in her embrace.

Usually, my memory fades out there. I vaguely remember the pounding of footsteps as he chased me down the stairs. I remember reaching the door first and racing into the street. I remember Joel calling out to me. His voice and blaring horns caused my feet to move faster.

~~

I never looked back. I never returned his calls. I thought he respected my decision. I hadn’t seen him since he tried to catch me outside the diner on the date that was to be our spring wedding. Three months had passed since then. Why was he here now?

And why did some memory tickle my brain that I had missed something? Was I really ready to remember more horrible details about the day my heart broke?

A faint echo of Joel’s voice filled my mind. “Janice, you are no longer welcome here.” My racing footsteps undercut the last few words.

“She wouldn’t…” I muttered to myself.

The door opened slowly toward me. I hurried to wipe away my tears, hoping my face didn’t reveal that 

I had been crying. I stood up hurriedly as the door opened further.

“Please don’t go.” Joel’s soft voice startled me.

I sagged against the wall. “You let me go before.” Bitter words.

“I didn’t let you go. I gave you time, but I can’t wait forever. It hurts…”

“It hurts to wait.” My chin rose as I rounded on him. “Not as much as it hurt to see…”

He stepped closer. “I didn’t kiss her. She kissed me.”

“That’s ridiculous. She was my best friend.”

“So you can believe I’d cheat with her, but not that she would try to seduce me.”

“I know what I saw.”

“Do you?” He stared at me with those warm blue eyes.

I could see tears forming in them. His eyebrows raised questioningly. Barely remembered words 

echoed through my mind again.

“But why would she?”

“She was your friend…not mine.” He reached out to touch me.

“She always was competitive.” I mused as I placed my hands in his. “What did I do?”

His lip trembled as he sought the right words. He shook his head and spoke softly.

“Gave us too much time apart, but we can make it right. Spring will come again.”

“I should have let you explain.” I admitted as he gently squeezed my hands.

Though I had more to say, I never said it. I didn’t need to. He knew me too well. He leaned down to kiss me, and all my pain and insecurity melted away.

Defying Loneliness

Here's a slightly more upbeat piece of writing for your consideration. Feel free to leave comments, offer love, and tell your friends.

When I’m alone, every movement takes on more meaning. Even the gentle flap of a tissue seems sinister or reassuring depending on my mood. Today, the slight motion startled me. I bounded from my seat on the couch, reaching for the nearest weapon. The slender, wooden handle of the broom reassured me as I slowly spun to face every possible hiding place along the length of the long, narrow room. No creature stirred in the silence. I took a deep breath. As I relaxed and released my hold, the broom tapped to rest against the wall.

I jumped again as the doorbell played its jaunty tune. I glared in the direction of the front door before tiptoeing toward it. I paused an arms length from the door, pressing my body against the wall. I reached one long slender arm out until my fingertips rested on the worn, brass knob. Tumblers clicked against each other in the stillness.

“Someone is in there.” A soft voice insisted from the other side of the door.

“Then ring the bell again.” Another voice answered in similarly soft tones.

“I don’t know. Should we really bother them if…”

“You want to try the next house?” The second voice interrupted impatiently.

The bell sounded again, causing me to jump a little though I expected it. After a few more moments of silent waiting, I edged over until I could see through the peephole. Two young girls in jeans and matching baby blue sweatshirts huddled together on my porch. The blonde gnawed her upper lip as she surveyed the street. The redhead rubbed her slender hands together in hopes of wiping away streaks of black grime.

“I can’t believe you forgot your cell.” The blonde’s lips barely moved as she hissed recriminations.

The redhead rolled her eyes and shook back a wave of deep red tresses. “Well, if you had one…”

I slipped the chain on the door and opened the door a crack. As I peered out at them, the two girls turned toward me and smiled shyly. They made no move to speak, so I broke the silence.

“Yes? Can I help you?” My lips pulled down as my voice cracked.

“We were hoping to use your phone…” The blonde explained.

“…or you could call a tow truck for us…” The redhead offered as she observed my face.

I watched them a few more seconds while I weighed my worries against the nagging loneliness that caused me to jump at the slightest movement. “Come in.”

I fumbled with the chain, willing my arthritic fingers to work. Finally, the chain fell free clanking against the doorframe as I welcomed my unexpected guests. They exchanged looks before gently linking their pinky fingers and stepping into the narrow hallway that separated the living room from the dining room.

“Please have a seat.” I motioned toward the couch as I reached for the phone. “Make your call while I make us some hot cocoa.”

“Thank you.” Relieved smiles stretched across their faces as the blonde reached for the phone.

As I turned toward the kitchen, the phone beeped out a number. The soft murmur of her voice rushed me as I put water on to boil. While the water heated up, I moistened a dishtowel and returned to the living room. As I offered the moist cloth to the redhead, she flashed a warm smile and took it gratefully. She gently wiped it along the streaks of grime on her hands. While the blonde offered directions to the person on the other end of the phone, I settled into the overstuffed recliner and pulled a faded quilt across my lap.

The kettle allowed enough time for introductions before it whistled shrilly. When I returned with a tray loaded with cocoa packets, mugs, and the steaming kettle, the girls politely inquired about my quilt. Soon I found my mind and my words wandering to memories of my grandmother helping me cut out my first quilt and the disastrous product I stitched together before she offered more guidance. More stories followed until the doorbell rang. I stifled a sigh as I slowly lifted myself from the chair.

“Looks like help has finally arrived.” I said brightly as the girls bounced out of their seats and started for the door.

I trailed after them, feeling pleasant euphoria slipping away. As they reached the door, they paused. A look passed between them that carried great weight. They nodded agreement and turned toward me.

“Thank you so much.” The redhead smiled warmly before continuing less assuredly. “If we came back to visit, could you teach us more about quilting?”

“Maybe even help us make one?” The blonde offered as she exchanged looks with her friend.

Their tentative questions brought a smile to my lips and warmth to my heart. “I’d love that.”

Always With Me

She is more than just a mother

Because she is always with me

In the world, there is no other

Who I know is always with me

Any time I wander, I know I can return

Because she is always with me

For in my heart, love will always burn

Just for this woman who is always with me

So when I stood as a blushing bride

I knew that she would be with me

Because the one who is by my side

Is my mother who is always with me

No matter how many miles keep us apart

This woman will always be with me

For she has a home inside my heart

That makes her remain ever with me

My mother should be celebrating her birthday today, but she didn't quite make it to help us celebrate. I wrote this poem to remind her that I love her shortly after my wedding. She seemed to like it so I thought I would share it with you. I know it isn't fiction, but I am a little distracted right now, so I know my dear readers will forgive me.

Being Happy

I went searching my head for a somewhat happy story. I proofread it a couple of times to assure its worthiness. Feel free to weigh in so I know how I'm doing. What do you think?

“…a morose child…”

“…sad, little girl…”

“…introverted…”

“…lonely…”

Braelyn often overheard comments such as these describing her. She always shrugged them off. She never felt sad. Nor did she desire to surround herself with people. She preferred the solace and silence of stolen seconds alone. Growing up in a family of eight, she struggled to get away from her three brothers and two sisters long enough to have moments of solitude.

On a gloomy day toward the end of summer, she sought time alone in the backyard. Thick, wet smells of moist earth and reinvigorated mildew settled over her as she gently closed the screen door. She darted across the expanse of lawn to stand under the sugar maple tree with its thick shelter of leaves. Rain cascaded to earth around her, but the thick foliage overhead let only a few sprinkles shower down on her. She leaned against the rough bark of the thick trunk and began to hum softly to herself.

Soft light pooled around the window facing her. She could look into the living room and observe her family without being involved in the bustle or hearing the accompanying noise. Forced indoors by the dreary weather, her siblings clustered around the low coffee table. An immense pile of board games reached almost as high as the tallest of them. Braelyn smiled as she watched them sort through the games, throwing them to the floor until only one remained.

Having made that important decision, her older brothers vied for the coveted seat on the recliner while the three younger children knelt around the table to watch. Unable to gain an advantage over each other, they finally settled for balancing on the edge of the chair together. Everyone leaned closer to the table, concentrating intently on the game.

As Braelyn observed the expressions of her siblings, the soft hum in the depths of her throat grew softer and softer until it finally stopped. With every roll of the dice, the expressions on the faces of the players changed to reveal the direction of the game. The smile on her face widened whenever her littlest sister brightened as she took the lead, only to disappear when one of her older brothers leaped up from the recliner to pump his fists in the air.

As her brother resumed his seat, an unusual sound caught her attention. Her eyebrows drew closer together. She turned her head from side to side in search of the source of the sound. Wet slapped against wet somewhere off to the right. She narrowed her eyes to focus on a slight movement at the base of the tree. As she stepped closer, a soft chirp joined the slapping sound.

“Poor birdie.” Braelyn cooed softly.

The bird chirped and tried to back away.

“I won’t hurt you.” She cooed as she crouched down to gently cup the frightened bird in her hands.

“Did you get caught in the storm?” She asked as she gently ran her hands along its feathers and watched a thin stream of water trickle off of her hand.

After brushing away as much water as she could, she gently cradled the bird in both hands and drew it close to her body. At first, it shivered from fear as well as the chill, but soon it calmed down and nestled into the warmth of her belly.

Assured of the comfort of her new friend, Braelyn resumed her vantage point in front of the window. They cuddled in silence as she watched the ongoing game. She didn’t notice that the rain had stopped until the game ended with an excited victory dance by her younger brother. Her oldest brother slammed his fist down on the game board. As pieces flew everywhere and elevated voices became almost audible to her, she shuddered. Startled by the movement, the bird chirped shrilly and spread its wings.

“Oh. I almost forgot about you.” Braelyn loosened her hands.

As she lifted the bird a little closer to her face, it peered back at her with shining, beady eyes. She extended her hands as far from her body as she could and opened her palms to form a tiny platform. The bird tested its wings by flapping first one and then the other. With one last chirp, it flew off. Braelyn waved goodbye before walking back to the house.

She inhaled deeply, smiling as soft hints of biscuits baking filled her lungs. She rubbed her arms as the warmth of the room reminded her of the beads of water dripping from her hair. Goosebumps broke out on her forearms. She shivered and clamped her jaws together as her teeth chattered.

“Braelyn.” Her mother looked up from her cookbook in surprise. “You’re wet. Why did you go outside?”

“Just wanted to.” Braelyn shrugged then stepped forward to wrap her arms around her mother’s shoulders. “I love you, mom.”

“I love you, too.” Her mother patted her head softly as she mulled this over. “Go change into something dry…and stay inside when it rains, okay?”

“Okay, mom.”

Her mother followed her into the living room. As Braelyn disappeared up the stairs, her father looked at her mother questioningly. Her mother only shrugged.

“Should we worry about her?” Her father voiced his question.

“It’s probably a phase and she seems happy…”

He nodded his agreement, but they both watched her mount the stairs with worried expressions.