Disintegration Point? [RANT]

The week started out well. Mama translation: I didn’t have to mop up the bathroom at church. I followed a friend to the class she teaches since I have a key to the door. My intention was to rush back to a different class another friend was teaching. The first friend gently placed her hand on my arm to lean in and whisper an invitation to stay.

I hesitated. I’ll be honest. I am certain I talk too much in church classes. Sometimes, my overzealous gratitude for knowing I am more than just a white trash girl from the sticks makes me want to say something to let other people know they are deeply loved as well. But I don’t think people who are new to our faith need to hear my deep and often hard-to-follow thoughts. Anyway, I took a glance at the class attendees that had arrived promptly and stood at attention. Three tall military (does former military exist if someone stands in a way that makes you want to salute them?) veterans stood looking down at us expectantly. What else could I do? I added my estrogen to hers and joined the class.

And I talked, probably too much. I bragged about being asked to turn off my barcode scanner when I worked in the library. That got a chorus of voices declaring me a librarian. Instinct kicked in because all I ever heard at the library was how you couldn’t be a librarian if you didn’t have an MLS, even if us lowly library technical assistants did most of the work since we didn’t need to pad our files for conference time. Anyway, despite my objections, at least two people declared that I am a librarian, so I have accomplished that childhood goal. Now to become a paid writer?

You can make that come true if you are feeling magnanimous and like reading my writing. I just need to lure my muse back and finish up a couple of pieces I have in the works. Someone noticed that I haven’t posted yet this week. Right? And that I still owe one to my lovely receptacle of my muse’s offerings.

One of my daughter’s best friends invited her to a small birthday dinner on Monday. Her sister was also generously invited. My friend picked them up and took them to the party, so their parents could have a few hours off. The girls had fun. I did not. Suffice it to say, an event happened that scared off my kinder muse and I am not sure I want to write the darker stuff the remaining inspiration left in its wake.

So I better stop typing about my average week and wish you all well. Halloween is coming. I have costumes to commit to and tasks to accomplish—mostly laundry—average week.

Scary Things Are Brewing [RANT]

While I hung out in the FamilySearch Center on Saturday, the rest of the troops got to work on Halloween decorations. Thus I got to see one of my tiny humans apparently hefting a body on my doorbell cam. Still giggling.

Of course, on my way to the center, I almost became a corpse myself. Two separate individuals thought switching lanes abruptly in near bumper to bumper traffic would be prudent. Pretty sure neither got to their destination quicker. Thankfully, my reflexes and lack of faith in the sanity of other drivers kept me from deserting my faithful readers and “to do” pile.

Sunday brought the expected level of peace as it started with church. Aside from one child flooding the bathroom, bringing out my inner janitor, I enjoyed time with my church family. Then we went to hang out with some friends.

Despite getting reassurance from our host that his oven was functional, it poured out an amazing amount of smoke during the preheat cycle. Then I was left to my own devices without having to claim the kitchen. Of course, this means I felt like a burglar as I opened most cabinets and drawers in search of pans, utensils, and other cooking needs. If only it were that easy to be left alone at my house. My youngest has taken to rolling toys under my feet when I am dancing around between the stove, counter, pantry, and fridge. So if I suddenly stop posting, you might want to check the hospital and sneak me in some food. 

Anyway, we all survived and I didn’t burn down anyone’s house. I did make an adorable four year old happy by cutting a horse silhouette into his pumpkin. I also brought the same kind of joy to a seven year old by not cutting out the face for her jack-o-lantern. 

This week continued at a steady pace until yesterday. My kids get a lot of days off, so I get to entertain them for four days straight. I might be more excited about this than they are. This might be because one refuses to do her homework, so mama isn’t turning on the television and letting them rot their brains. They also keep complaining that they hurt themselves by tripping over the obstacle course they created and then whining more when I offer the tried and true solution of, “Clean up your stuff.”

Even if my kids don’t love me, random strangers do. I have had two individuals on different platforms start chatting with me out of the blue. Because I didn’t immediately tell them to play in traffic without a car, both seem to have reached the conclusion that I don’t store a brain in my head. One invited me to have coffee with them if I ever travel across the country for the inconvenience of a “wrong number”. The other seems to be trying to sweet talk me in French. Yes, I will type to you in French, albeit slowly since I haven’t kept my skills up, and, yes, I will catch the nuance of the French version of, “Your profile picture is so beautiful that I just had to talk to you.” I have heard this before. I am not impressed. Ugh. Anyone know how to negate the aura of “looking to be scammed” that seems to linger around me?

Anyway, I need to work on writing some fiction pieces, so enjoy this little snippet of sleep-inducing wildness. Type at you soon.

Did You See It? [RANT]

I posted a much longer story this week? Are you one of the two people who saw the opening paragraphs? Still no paid subscribers, so only I got the full story. I guess you know what to buy yourself for Christmas and it can count as a gift to me and my little humans. Hint. Hint.

I also spent a solid nine and a half hours watching General Conference. With the passing of President Russell M. Nelson, some speakers were more somber than normal, but they still doled out some good advice. And a couple of them even made me giggle. That may be more on me than the speakers, however. 

I went to the dentist for the fourth time in four weeks. I am thinking I might want to take my observations on oral hygiene to a standup venue instead of making the hygienist giggle as she tries to extract bits of pop tart from my child’s teeth. I promise I told her to brush after breakfast. I also assure you that I don’t think her heart was in brushing the ones she wants to keep. Now I want to brush again…

But first, I remind you that Halloween is coming. It feels like it has snuck up on me fast. Luckily, I have a collection of costumes, so I can just decide on the fly what to be, but not everyone shares my neurosis and costume hoarding skills. 

Yesterday, I ventured to the eye doctor. Unlike last year, they didn’t outright call me old, so that was a win. I did get my eyes dilated, which added a level of excitement to the day. I am not sure if it was the drops for numbing or the dilation drops but something strongly disagreed with my eyes. I did get up on my personal stand-up stage and crack some jokes about looking like I was high, however. If you know me, you know I have resisted many attempts to get me to actually enter that state. I am perfectly disturbingly weird without help. Thank you very much.

Hope you have fun plans for the weekend. Maybe a haunted house? Man, I need to find people who appreciate people trying to scare bodily fluids out of them to wander darkened halls with me. My family is too sweet to be scared. Daw!

Are We Caught Up Yet? [RANT]

Did I get you all caught up last week? I certainly didn’t get myself caught up. I posted one of three posts I am anticipating for substack before tomorrow. That means, I should be simultaneously updating this site and that one. Even I am not that good. Clones anyone?

My girls made a new friend this weekend. A friend’s son has been a little shy at church, so I suggested he make some friends at church. He suggested we get out kids together. Now my oldest might want to adopt the little fellow. I got told I sound like someone’s grandma in my twenties, so I am prepared for this.

I also tried to get through some of the tasks leftover from last week. Unfortunately, I got into a screaming match with one of my children earlier this week. I do not recommend this as my body sided with her and a disc slipped out of place in my back. Thus I have been slowly working my way through the laundry, dishes, and a million other mom responsibilities while trying to keep sounds of distress trapped behind clenched teeth. Should my family life really feel like a jungle where any sign of weakness will have them leaping on me?

Speaking of wildlife, my baby koala hasn’t been able to lavish affection on me the way that she likes. Her preferred method is to hug me and then wrap her legs around my legs and hang on. Generally, I love this, so I am hoping my back feels better soon, so I can go back to being mama koala.

Since I don’t have anything deeply exciting to share aside from my need to tidy up and prep some activities to keep the tiny humans happy while I listen to General Conference (more on that hopefully arriving on substack later), I shall let you return to your regularly scheduled activities. Keep catching up. We’ll conquer the “to do” list and relax…

Eventually...

Right?