(RANTINGS) Let's Be Friends

I take friendship very seriously. In the past, I have not discriminated. I offered a friendly hand to anyone who asked. After getting burned numerous times, I learned some qualities I do not like in friends. I came to treasure those attributes my true friends possess. Herein, I shall list a few of those qualities both negative and positive.

+Accepting. Being an "odd duck" (among the nicer ways people describe me), my best friends don't mind my plethora of quirks. They accept me as I am, don't try to change me, and don't feel shame in being my friend even when others question their sanity for such a choice.

+Considerate. We all have our moments of selfishness. I have found that for some friends the selfishness never goes away. With others, I know that they consider my feelings before their own at the right times. (Not all of the time since I also have a tendency to unwarranted selfishness just like the average person.)

-Forceful. It doesn't happen often, but people have tried to force me to be their friend. If it doesn't happen naturally, insisting that we must get together isn't going to make me your friend. Some personalities should not mix with mine and I have learned the signs of some of them through past experience. Others thought they could force me to change into some twisted image they formed of me in their head. If you really know me, you know that just opened the door to friendship tragedy and they fell out.

-Gossip. You can't talk to a gossip. They spread your news like it was their own. They even twist the truth a little before sharing to amp up the interest. I've also had a friend get mad at me when I didn't share someone else's news with them. I firmly believe people should share the news of their engagements, babies, and promotions in their own time and their own way. Sharing such belief with someone who craves the gossip limelight, however, just makes them more desperate to glean information from your silence.

+Grateful. I don't need a thank you card every time I do something nice, but it is nice when people acknowledge that you do nice things. Since we really have no obligation to be nice to each other, which manifests itself more and more as society devolves into communication of bits and bytes and little real human contact, we should take more notice of friends who take time to think of our needs.

+Honest. The best thing one friend ever said to me was that she liked me much better when I went to church because I was nicer afterward. Of the millions of nice things she has said to me, that one sticks with me. She was right and I needed to be reminded to be a better person, particularly to her. For instance, I appreciate people who aren't afraid to tell me that they don't like a certain type of cookie that I make. Otherwise, I may keep giving them those cookies over and over. You get the idea.

+Humor. I love a good joke. I like people who make me laugh. Of course, we all know that some life events don't need humor, but on the average day, I like friends who are able to make me laugh...even when it hurts a little.

+Listening. Some of my best friendships center around being able to just talk to someone. The best of my friends know that once I get an annoyance off my chest, it is gone. I don't really hate that person who rudely talked through a lesson I taught--I just can't understand being that rude. These friends don't try to fix it. They know that getting it out helps me and they know my ears are available for their soul-baring needs and my lips are sealed.

+Loyal. My definition of loyalty doesn't mean my friends can only be friends with me. Sometimes, they may disagree with me when I fight with a mutual friend. I expect them to share their views with me instead of talking behind my back. I also feel justified in feeling they should have my back when someone is tearing me down even when I may never find out that they passively listened while someone told lies about me.

-Needy. Ever have a friend insist on calling you fifteen minutes before you were supposed to meet up and insist you stay on the phone with them until you head out? I have, even after I reminded them I needed to finish some things before I could keep our lunch date. That was the first of about twelve phone calls from this person that day. Sadly, this was the norm and nothing I said could make them realize their neediness just made me draw away.

-Possessive. When your friends think they own you, your life can become quite stressful. I have had friends get mad at me for only spending six of seven days hanging out with them. Another friend tried to get me to go to lunch with her when she knew I had other plans. When I refused, she showed up at my other meeting and glared at me from the back of the room. Once, she even lied about having an emergency when she knew I had plans with someone else. When I came to check on her, she had another friend there and told me to have a seat--so they could both ignore me. Needless to say, all her current emergencies go unanswered by my friendship 9-1-1 service.

+Respect. Real friends don't forget to value their friends and show respect. Even if you think I sit at home all day with my feet propped up, bon bons balanced on my ever expanding belly, and the remote plastered to one hand, you should still ask before you make plans for me. True friends show respect by asking even when they think they already know the answer. Of course, they still cover their ears when I start to sing, "R-E-S-P-E-C-T..." or any other song. They aren't crazy, after all.

-Secret. I've had people assure me that we were friends but follow those words with an admonition to keep it secret. If you don't want people to know you are my friend, you aren't my friend and that is fine with me.

+Sisterly. I have many friends who are more like sisters than anything else. Recently, I got to see one of these friends for the first time in four years. We instantly started giggling like schoolgirls as we tried on dresses and caught up on events since our last phone conversation. A couple of other friends of this caliber amaze me because they get me and my quirks. I'll be ranting about something and they'll say something along the lines of, "Don't they know that you don't like that?" And I didn't like that and clearly never have. And even after we fight over something as ridiculous as whose turn it was to wash the dishes, we still love each other fiercely.

-Users. Some people have proven to only be my friend when they need something. Even sadder, they were rude about me helping them, making me wait fifteen minutes while they yammered on and on with someone else before giving me the details of the favor they wanted. Real friendships require give and take from both friends.

Good friends can survive anything. If you can live thousands of miles apart, don't talk for months or even years, and still feel like you've always been side by side, you have formulated a true friendship. Treasure it.