The other night, sleep would not come. For some reason, my brain got a seed of worry caught in its folds and decided to nurture it. The worry wasn't an important one. An emotional connection with the world around me seems to be fraying and ready to break, but I gather I have more than my fair share of threads breaking. So why do I care about each individual friendship? Why do I want to know? What do I want to know?
I guess I want to know that my friends value me as I value them. And if they don't? Then I want to set them free of my attempts to connect. Sometimes, I feel like people answer my questions or invitations in riddles or delay answering to force me to cut ties. But the soft heart inside of me resists turning to stone and insists on giving the benefit of the doubt. Thus I end up back in the holding pattern, wondering if I am a friend or an annoyance. Wanting to know if this friendship has run its course.
And why do I question such things? I have many friends who share my enthusiasm for keeping connections. Such friends:
1. Call out of the blue to chat, but aren't offended if I can't talk long.
2. Respond enthusiastically to invitations I offer,working with me to mesh our schedules when I am miraculously able to drive hundreds of miles to see their beloved faces in person. (I do try to give them as much notice as possible at least a week or two.)
3. Share their talents with me (cutting my hair, knitting me cute hats) and don't charge me but accept payment anyway because they know I want them to value their talents as much as I do.
4. Forgive me for being weird and roll with it or ask for clarification if needed.
5. Set realistic expectations of our friendship. Allowing me to spend time with other friends or alone without feeling like our friendship no longer has value.
6. Are honest with me. Please be honest with me, not cruel: HONEST. Honesty makes life
Being that it is the last day of 2016 and our minds have turned toward resolutions and being our best selves, how many of us will try to be better friends in 2017.
Saturday, December 31, 2016
Sunday, December 25, 2016
Looking At the Little Things [RANT]
Like many mothers at this time of year, I am single-handedly running a branch office of Santa's workshop. I bake. I clean. I choose. I package. I label. I wrap. I sew. I paint. I write. I lick. I seal. I clean some more. I ponder. I worry. I buy. I wrap. I bake some more. The list of items I must do to be the best festive elf I can be seems to grow longer not shorter as I work through what needs to be done. Then someone adds one more thing or one more concern to my list.
Then a little bit of green creeps into the holiday. Instead of growing three sizes, my heart shrinks to a third its normal size. My head begins to throb as I repeat the same basic requests and get ignored. And I have to turn my back on the irritant and let it go. I have to refocus on the little things, those things that are truly important but often get overlooked with all the glitter, tinsel, and twinkling lights that punctuate the season. I have to focus on the real reasons I love the holidays and return to my kitchen over and over again in an attempt to share the heart of the season with those around me.
Important basics such as:
1. The love of a Heavenly Father who sent His Son to remind us how greatly we are loved.
2. An earthly family that shared the talent of the kitchen arts with me.
3. The smile on my husband's face as he taste-tests one of the first cookies out of the oven and finds it perfect.
4. My daughter's excitement as she meets a new friend who has come to be with her a result of the holiday.
5. My husband under the mistletoe. (Need I say more about that?)
6. An excuse to craft candy that I love and share it with others so I can still squeeze out of the front door of my house.
7. The anticipation of the beautiful cleanliness of new fallen snow.
8. Peppermint, ginger, cinnamon, and orange aromas on the air.
9. The rustic touch of live pine sprigs decorating the table at the Ward Christmas party.
10. The sweet taste of the little baby oranges that also graced the table of the party.
11. Friends smiling when you picked or made the perfect gift and they know it came from your heart not your wallet.
12. Getting a gift that reminds you how well your friend knows you even though most people would never understand.
13. Christmas hymns floating on the air.
14. The soft voice that reminds you to smile and speak kindly to a stranger who is probably as overwhelmed by holiday obligations as you are.
15. The grateful smile you receive for obeying that voice.
Before I saw the announcement about the light the world initiative, I decided to pass out cookies to my ward family. I scrolled through the list for names and made labels back in October so that I would have an idea how many cookies, and recipes, I might need to tackle this project. I believe my desire to spread Christmas cheer succeeded. I received lots of startled smiles and got to add some delicious Christmas treats to my holiday recipe book, so everybody wins.
I hope your holidays have been filled with love and sweet surprises. I hope they remind you how important it is to stay close to family, whether biological or by association. I hope your heart grows three sizes and your pants size remains the same. Have a fabulous holiday and as you ponder your goals for 2017, remember to include the most important things, no matter how small they may seem.
Then a little bit of green creeps into the holiday. Instead of growing three sizes, my heart shrinks to a third its normal size. My head begins to throb as I repeat the same basic requests and get ignored. And I have to turn my back on the irritant and let it go. I have to refocus on the little things, those things that are truly important but often get overlooked with all the glitter, tinsel, and twinkling lights that punctuate the season. I have to focus on the real reasons I love the holidays and return to my kitchen over and over again in an attempt to share the heart of the season with those around me.
Important basics such as:
1. The love of a Heavenly Father who sent His Son to remind us how greatly we are loved.
2. An earthly family that shared the talent of the kitchen arts with me.
3. The smile on my husband's face as he taste-tests one of the first cookies out of the oven and finds it perfect.
4. My daughter's excitement as she meets a new friend who has come to be with her a result of the holiday.
5. My husband under the mistletoe. (Need I say more about that?)
6. An excuse to craft candy that I love and share it with others so I can still squeeze out of the front door of my house.
7. The anticipation of the beautiful cleanliness of new fallen snow.
8. Peppermint, ginger, cinnamon, and orange aromas on the air.
9. The rustic touch of live pine sprigs decorating the table at the Ward Christmas party.
10. The sweet taste of the little baby oranges that also graced the table of the party.
11. Friends smiling when you picked or made the perfect gift and they know it came from your heart not your wallet.
12. Getting a gift that reminds you how well your friend knows you even though most people would never understand.
13. Christmas hymns floating on the air.
14. The soft voice that reminds you to smile and speak kindly to a stranger who is probably as overwhelmed by holiday obligations as you are.
15. The grateful smile you receive for obeying that voice.
Before I saw the announcement about the light the world initiative, I decided to pass out cookies to my ward family. I scrolled through the list for names and made labels back in October so that I would have an idea how many cookies, and recipes, I might need to tackle this project. I believe my desire to spread Christmas cheer succeeded. I received lots of startled smiles and got to add some delicious Christmas treats to my holiday recipe book, so everybody wins.
I hope your holidays have been filled with love and sweet surprises. I hope they remind you how important it is to stay close to family, whether biological or by association. I hope your heart grows three sizes and your pants size remains the same. Have a fabulous holiday and as you ponder your goals for 2017, remember to include the most important things, no matter how small they may seem.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)