Write in a Forward Direction

A new year brings new goals, or, for most of us, a renewal of old goals and rebirth of old dreams. My writing has continued to suffer serious neglect over the past year, despite intentions to bring it back to the top of the list. I signed up for Camp National Novel Writing Month in July and wrote a four word title to my piece. Then life happened and the idea behind it has long since melted back into the folds of my brain. In November, I signed up for National Novel Writing Month with only a little more success. I eked out 10,000 words between morning sickness, caring for a sick toddler, Thanksgiving festivities, and the other excitement life threw at me. 

So with so many obstacles, why do I still pursue the allure of words strung together? One of my earliest memories is following my brother around, asking him to help me spell out words. I was about three and I wanted to communicate with those around me through the written word already. As I grew older, I learned to read. I loved making new friends inside the pages of books. I explored the pages of every tome that fell into my hands. I even borrowed reading textbooks from my older brothers. Then I discovered that I could write my own stories. I could send my toys to far off lands with my words. I could explore unknown kingdoms and make even more friends, as unique and interesting as I needed them to be. My early attempts amuse me when I unearth yellowed pages with my youthful scrawl, but some of my later efforts have brought smiles and laughs, so I shouldn’t give up. Should I? 

What lies ahead for my writing? I’ve resolved to make a real effort to balance my time better in the upcoming year. I want to spend time with my family and fulfill my callings at church, but I don’t want to lose the inherent abilities that I have, especially the writer inside who sometimes begs me to jot down lines of poetry or breathe life into a character who dances through my mind. So the upcoming year should see more posts for your reading pleasure and hopefully the completion of at least one of my half-started tales. Feel free to offer moral support, particularly if a piece touches your heart, makes you laugh, or stirs your imagination.

Sky Diamonds (POETRY)

Bring me diamonds from the sky
Promise me this one last lie
That these crystals won't melt away
Bringing me even further today
From where I was when the journey began
Crystal shapes do not understand
But you could if you opened your heart
And stopped trying to tear mine apart
Melt this ice, release this pain
Bring sky diamonds that don't melt to rain.

Grow Your Heart Three Sizes...

The heart of a grinch has taken over my tiny little hobbit body this season. I am hoping that when my cold dissipates, my heart will grow back to its normal size. In the meantime, I am trying not to overdo my slightly less than seasonal feelings. I did weed out a few names from my Christmas card list. If I have not received a card or heard from someone in a number of years, I don't feel confident that I have the correct address or that they want to hear from me. I always have extra cards. If someone surprises me and sends a card for a change, I can send one back.

In the opposite direction, the end of my cold promises the chance for some warm seasonal baking. I hope to still have enough friends who would like a sweet token of seasonal affection by that time. I don't think I will repeat last year's efforts to distribute treats individually to the hundreds of members of my church family. That takes far more energy than my body can handle this holiday season. I'll just have to pass out more smiles and wishes of a Merry Christmas. Those won't threaten to send buttons flying off of pants at least.

How do you get in the holiday spirit when your skin feels a little green and your heart feels shrunken?

Sing Christmas carols?

Spend time with friends?

Mail out holiday cards? Admire the ones you have received?

Watch cheesy holiday movies?

Help someone in need?

Donate to charity?

Read select passages from the New Testament?

Wrap presents?

Bake treats?

Inspire me...

Don’t Tell [FICTION]

“I’ll never tell you where I hid the jewels.” Grace clamped her mouth closed on the last word.

The taller man laughed and handed the gun to his stocky companion. He rolled up his sleeves to reveal arms thick with hair that they evoked images of a charging bear. Grace looked away as he took a step forward and placed a thick thumb under her chin.

“You’ll tell me everything.” He assured her.

Grace started to shake her head but stopped herself. Instead, she closed her eyes.

“Come on, Ed. We don’t have time for games.” The shorter man tightened his grip on the gun and stepped toward his partner.

“Don’t worry about it, Sam.” The taller man buried his hand in the dark curls that fell past the woman’s cheek.

As he jerked her head to the side, he leaned in to whisper in her ear. “Just tell me.”

“Are you trying to romance me?” She asked through gritted teeth.

“Not yet.” He pulled her head backward until her mouth dropped open.

He slapped her until her teeth rattled. A soft keening sound filled the air. The shorter man looked away. His pale eyes focused on the far wall. The keening stopped as Ed released her hair.

“Maybe I need to be a little more personal.” He grinned and reached for her hand.

She tried to pull it from his grasp, which proved impossible with her wrist firmly secured to the sturdy wooden chair.

“This will only hurt as long as you let it.” He produced pliers from his back pocket and closed them over her pinkie.

She screamed. Sam glanced at her and quickly turned away as his face paled. Ed’s face remained unchanged as he moved the pliers to her ring finger.

“Two.” As the pliers locked, a cracking sound erupted from her fingertip and the corners of his lips twitched.

“Stop.” Grace wept. “Please, stop.”

“Not the words I want to hear.” Sam moved the pliers again.

“Stop! I’ll show you where they are.” She pled. “Just don’t.”

He released her hand. Her fingers curled into the palm of her hand. Silent tears trailed down her cheek as her mangled fingertips touched her palm, but she held them there protectively. Her head tilted away as she surveyed the damage from the corner of her eye.

Ed turned to Sam. “Untie her and bring her outside. I’ll bring the car around.”

Sam nodded, putting the gun in his waistband long enough to free her. As she slowly rose from the chair, he jabbed the gun into her back and led her out to the car. She offered terse directions as Ed’s old beater chugged through the crowded city streets. They finally stopped at a storage facility on the edge of town.

“We’re here.” Grace whispered as she looked down at her mangled hand.

Ed stopped the car and circled around to pull her out of the car. “Show me.”

She reached into her pocket, fumbling with her uninjured hand for a worn key on her crowded key ring. “Unit 427. The jewels are in there.”

His eyes gleamed as he took the keys. “Stay with her, Sam.”

“I’m coming with you.” Sam circled to the back of the car, opening the trunk with his spare key. “She can watch herself in here.”

“That works too.” Ed shrugged and helped lift her into the trunk.

She rested her head against something soft, hoping it wasn’t dirty laundry or something worse. Hurried footsteps pounded away from her.

The two men remained silent as they wove through the units in search of the correct unit. As Ed fumbled with the keys, Sam slowly lifted the gun to chest level.

“Put that away.” Ed didn’t look up. “I’m not going to cheat you.”

“I wish I believed that.” Sam replied, keeping the gun leveled and tightening his finger on the trigger.

Ed sighed and turned back toward the door of the storage unit. “I was afraid you might feel that way.” He turned back toward his friend with a gun in his left hand. “Looks like we have a draw.”

Sam frowned. “I don’t mind going if you go with me.”

As they stood their ground in silence, a soft click from the door caused both pairs of eyes to waver. The door swung inward and two men with assault rifles and body armor greeted them.

The closest officer smiled. “I think we can help you out.”

The second officer gestured with his gun. “Drop your weapons, boys. You’re under arrest.”

Sam’s gun clattered to the ground as his hands shot up above his head.

Ed shook his head and lowered his weapon. “I can’t believe I didn’t see this coming.”

It's been too long, so happy May to you. Hope you enjoyed.

Composed [POETRY]

Hold the truth so deep
That only the vision can see
What keeps from sleep
All who wish to be
Known and loved for true
But no one sees, no one knows
How well composed are you
When no true heart shows
So behold this verse
Written with a gesture, a smile
And hope none are averse
To who you are for a while

I had to slip one last poem in under the wire. I hope the month of verse and rhyme was kind to you, dear reader. Keep reading.

Moment In Time [POETRY]

Catch this moment.

Put it in a jar.

Lock it quietly away.

Take your dream.

Hold your heart.

Hear what it has to say.

Lift me up.

Bring me close.

Put your lips on mine.

Unlock our future.

Take my hand.

Assure me it will be fine.

Couldn't let National Poetry Month pass without giving it a friendly wave. How poetic have you been in April?

Should I Tell You? [RANT]

I blame the unseasonably warm weather for my mind's jaunts down memory lane. I find myself worrying and wondering about people who haven't spoken to me in years. Can I call them friends? Do I have the right to worry and hope for them? If they happen upon this page and realize, "She's talking to me," will they quickly follow it with, "But why?" I never know. The past cannot be changed, but perhaps the future can be rewritten by sending out some positive energy to loves past and present.

To My Shy Friend From Years Ago

I thought of you today. You were one of the quiet ones that shuddered when they made fun of you and cried where they could see you. I wanted to tell you not to let them see you cry, but I was afraid you'd think I was joining in on their antics. When you realized I was on your side, you clung to me. That made me uncomfortable. I hope I never added to your sadness by not being as strong of a life rope as  you wanted. I hope they didn't break you. I hope you realized your worth despite the blindness of others. I hope life is treating you well and you've surrounded yourself with people who get you and support you. Don't give up on yourself. You are worth more than I think you could ever know.

To One of the Many Who Lied to Me

I know our whole friendship hinged on lies. You started with lies about your name and built on them. I think I knew. I kept asking questions that you couldn't answer satisfactorily. Something told me not to point out the pieces that didn't fit into the jigsaw puzzle. Somehow you enter my mind from time to time. I hope you stopped running from yourself and your past. The one truth I know of you is your love for a certain someone that I never met. I hope you returned to them and made things right. I hope you're building a future built on what is real and true.

To One Who Lied to Oneself

Not sure why I keep thinking of you. Most people observing from outside our friendship would think us more enemies than friends, but I care about you, so I worry. I have two versions of you in my mind because you've presented two faces to the world. I sometimes wonder how you know who you are when those two halves are so different. Maybe that is why I worry when I see or read a similar story playing out on screen or page. I hope you are well. I hope you didn't push away people who love you because you feel they don't really know you. People only know what you show them and tell them, and the best friends tend to overlook lies whether those lies stem from outright misleading information or simple omission of important details.

To My Larry (and Eddy)

I've been watching "Leave It to Beaver" because I continue to be fascinated by simpler times. I've noticed that the Beaver and Wally aren't the troubled, disobedient kids I once thought they were from quick descriptions of their antics. In most cases, their troubles come from their inability to stand up to encouragement to misbehave from their dear friends. We all have friends who encourage us to do or not do tasks against our better judgement. If your friends don't respect your opinions or worries, it might be wise not to let them force theirs on you. Make good choices and be kind to your friends.

So cryptic are the thoughts in my head. Hopefully, your thoughts do not tangle and swirl like this.

Review, Renew, Reveal, and Redo [PREACHY]

We step into 2017 and hope to hit a reset button or two in our lives. We look back at 2016 with a touch of sadness for goals left unaccomplished and opportunities missed. If we don't set any resolution besides living our best life, do we set ourselves up for a more satisfying inventory in 2017?

As I ponder my resolutions, past and present, I realize they could be summed up in one simple goal:
Leave the world and myself in a better state than that in which they were found. Isn't that what we want to do when we set goals to lose weight, eat better, pick up new skills, or finish a marathon?

Instead of setting new goals each year, shouldn't we wake up each day and work toward that goal? If we open our eyes and commit to leaving the world better even if only in the most microscopic way, I believe we will ultimately accomplish that resolution. Whether we choose to bring beauty through art, music, or words or we keep our bodies strong and healthy so they are ready if we get the opportunity to serve others, our goals can benefit the world as a whole.

My church encouraged us to fill the world with joy over the holidays by taking time to serve those around us. The campaign lasted for twenty-five days, but the idea should not be limited to only the holidays or only a small portion of the year. So how can we serve in little ways that change the world?

A few of my suggestions:

-Clean up after yourself. Picking up Cheerios that your child drops on the floor at church or making sure your paper towel makes it trash can make a surprising difference to the person you assume will be cleaning up after you.
-Take the time to compliment someone.
-Be more patient with other drivers or shoppers. They may be slowing down because they can't find the street or to avoid hitting an animal you can't see. Don't assume the worst.

Feel free to add your own suggestions. After all, blogs have an option for comments for some reason.