[BOUTIQUE] Christmas Wishes

'Tis the season to seek out the perfect gift for everyone on your list. For some, only chocolate will do while others just want a hug or a visit. For those who seek the truly unique, these are the creative offerings of a few of my friends. I provide a brief description for each, but I suggest you go ahead and click the links to see what each has to offer.

*Journals, Jewelry, and More by yours truly
*Cute Visual Aids for Teaching Gospel Topics This is a new project, so she will be adding more items as she develops them.
*T-shirts for Geeks, Nerds, and Sports Fans The friend who runs this page has interests from Doctor Who to Star Trek to vintage video games to Nascar, so click to see if he has created something for the nerd on your list.
*Photographic Prints of Pittsburgh, Cleveland, and other unique views of the world. Click on the 365 project to look at the photographs.
*Healing Crystal Jewelry made by a friend who practices Reikie and teaches belly dance. These are truly unique items.
*Paintings (in the style of Bob Ross) Click on the arrows above the slideshow to advance the pictures. This artist is based in the Pittsburgh area, but travels to Alquippa, Ohio (December 13, 2014) and Morgantown, WV (December 6, 2014) to teach classes, so call her before the date she will be in those places if they are convenient for you and she can bring the painting of your choice.
*Knit Caps, Baby Outfits, Quilts and More Serious cuteness overload on this page. If you have a baby or know someone expecting a baby or  who takes photographs for a living, you have to check out this page.

I hope I didn't leave anyone out. It has been a long day on the road. Also, I hope to hear from you soon. Time is of the essence for receiving those gifts in time to wrap them and tuck them under the tree.

[???] The Night Of Turkey Day

'Twas the night before turkey day, when all through the house

not a creature was stirring, not even the fat mouse.

The stuffing was stuffed in the turkey with care

In the hopes that the hungry family would soon be there.

The children raced all around the full halls

Forcing the adults to cling to the walls

And Mama in her apron, and I with my spoon

Prepared to be eating ever so soon.

When out in the kitchen arose such a clatter

We sprang from the table to see what was the matter

Away to the fridge we flew like a flash

To find the children eating the pie stash.

Chocolate on their lips, a little on each nose

and yet each struck an innocent pose 

As mama looked down with adoring eyes

And papa released the saddest of sighs 

But momma winked, so slow, so quick

As the littlest child took one more lick

And papa realized more pie was to be had

He couldn't punish the children or be mad

"Eat Pumpkin! Eat Chocolate!

Eat, Apple and Blueberry!

Then, coconut! Then, mincemeat!

Then, Pecan and Cherry!

We baked them all night!

We baked them all day!

And now in our tummies we put them away!

We'll eat them all!"

But first we eat turkey, juicy and sweet

And mashed potatoes that can't be beat

Though green beans will follow with corn

And stuffing comes out, nice and warm

And then, in a twinkling, the food disappears

and we stumble away as in past years.

We rub our big tummies, plump and round

And settle down so a nap can be found. 

And papa settles down in his comfy chair

Our voices become muffled by warm air

And some of us watch as his eyes gently close

Awaiting the chorus he plays with his nose.

All wrapped in a blanket with a tummy full of food

Papa becomes such a musical dude

But he doesn't know, for he is fast asleep

And only children a wakeful rhythm keep

With eyelids closed tight and lips slightly open

Papa is dreaming that he's eating again

Behind his eyes, a turkey leg disappears

Amidst the charming children's cheers

But in the waking world, his snores wreck the peace

And the children's wild antics cease

As they turn in amazement to watch his round belly

Bouncing a happy tune since it is full of jelly

He wakes with a start to see so many eyes

Staring and marveling at one so wise

And he smiles such a smile they jump to give hugs

Even the little girl who only gives shrugs

He spoke not a word, just hugged everyone

and rose so slowly to renew the fun

For one piece of chilled pumpkin pie

Couldn't fail to catch his eye

And mama watches with a smile on her face

To have her whole family in one place

But now she is weary from winning the feast fight,

"Happy turkey day to all and now a good night!"

Props to Clement Clark Moore who wrote A Visit From St. Nicholas a.k.a. 'Twas the Night Before Christmas, with which we should all be familiar. If you are not, 'tis the season to educate yourself on all things Christmas from tales of childish wonder to the deeper wonder found in the scriptures.

[RANTINGS] The Happy Homemaker or The Witty Writer

Recent events bring me cause to remind people once again that their definitions of certain words need work. After having two weeks of my time wasted by one entity, I received a phone from a friend who figured I wouldn't be too busy to do them time-consuming favors. One of those favors was for a third party who I keep getting told to call and call again though I left them a message and they never bothered to call me back. I have since called again to no avail. What's the definition of insanity again? (Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results?)

People hear homemaker and assume that means "one who has nothing going on in there life or one who waits beside the phone for you to tell them what to do today." The daily life of every homemaker is different, so keep in mind that I speak to my own unique situation. Whether you have children or not, the size of your house, the needs of all the members of the household, and a million other factors can affect what being a homemaker means to an individual. So what do I mean when I say homemaker?

1. Organizer. I am the reigning influence for order in my household. I choose where to put tools for everything from cooking to woodworking. So when my husband or I find exactly what we want with minimum effort, it is because I make sure items always find their way back to their designated location.
2. Personal shopper. Whether we need stamps, food, or small household items, I make a list and check it twice. Then I go fight the teeming hoards in the aisle of the local supermarket to acquire life-sustaining goodness.
3. Cleaning crew. No matter how cleanly you are, the house always needs cleaned. From dishes to clothes to floors, I always have plenty to keep the maid inside happy.
4. Craft specialist. This could be a job of its own. You've seen the posts about some of my creations. I make everything from coasters to journals to necklaces to quilts to whatnots. I have even sold a couple of my creations, so I claim to be an artist of sorts.
5. Chef. While my husband would love to live off of mac-n-cheese, burgers, cheese pizza, and chicken nuggets, I take the opportunity to introduce him to new foods on a regular basis. My job doesn't stop when I bring home produce and other delectables from the store, I still have to assemble them into something my husband will eat. Oddly enough, this takes time...and yet people give me strange looks when I inform them I need to be home by a certain time.
6. Social director. From time to time, my husband and I invite people over or send out cards and letters. Anyone who has ever visited my house can verify that no one starves in my house. The potato chips may come out of a bag, but generally I try out one or two other recipes when people come to visit.
7. Writer. When people aren't wasting my time, I write some entertaining pieces. Some people have even expressed appreciation for my poetry.

So the next time you want to ask someone for a favor, do so respectfully, and don't try to minimize the importance of what they do every day.

(Stray question: Should I elaborate more when I rant?)

[REVIEW] American Taliban by Pearl Abraham

Reading American Taliban by Pearl Abraham confirmed suspicions that entered my mind as I grabbed it from the shelf. While her writing style was engaging, the content of this novel left me disappointed. Spoilers probably follow in the rest of my review, so be wary should you choose to read further.

The main character, John Jude Parish rides waves, skateboards, and lives off of his parents, who he refers to as Barbara and Bill. This last characteristic makes it hard for me to connect or sympathize with him. After an injury, he devotes himself to the studies had put off for his boarding interests. Almost instantly, he feels pulled toward the beliefs of some Muslims who befriend him. From there, he launches into a different world from the one in which he was raised, even traveling to Pakistan to immerse himself in the culture.

That's when the book took a couple turns that made me even less interested. Some characters in the book rationalized certain physical actions by saying that they are not forbidden by religious texts. While I have not studied the Muslim culture or read the Qu'ran, the events in question seemed out of context with everything I was ever told by Muslim friends. (I should point out that those who share my values about premarital romance may not want to read this book. I skimmed past the paragraphs that went into more detail--at least three that I recall. Was that cryptic enough? *blushes*)

Toward the end of the book, the author managed to lure me back into the story. She focused more on the heartache of Barbara and Bill. A mother's love can almost make you like an unlikable character but not quite. I did feel for Barbara though as she struggled with questions about who her son had become and where that had led him.

As far as structure of the book goes, I found the lack of quotes around pieces of dialogue a little off-putting. I am sure she meant to make a statement about how we train ourselves to expect certain things, but I do find dialogue easier to follow when each speaker's words are accented for me.

(This is where I should end it before I mistake myself for a guest lecturer on writing.)

[RANTINGS] Put It Down

When I pull my cell phone out of my pocket, people stare at me like I just offered to perform surgery with the aid of a rusty knife and a bottle of grain alcohol. Its clamshell design and extra large buttons scream that I am someone's grandmother who fears technology. Maybe, I do, but my ipad would disagree as I rub my greasy fingers on its face. I do fear that we spend too much time looking at screens and not enough time looking at the faces of real people.

As I ate dinner at a restaurant with my husband one day, I noticed a couple of grandparents with their grandkids. Both kids occupied their time with staring at the screens of tablets while the adults talked. My mind wandered, reviewing the little bit I remember about the time I spent with my grandparents. I wouldn't have those memories if I spent my time with them playing games or watching videos. I felt bad for those children. Someday, they'll regret that lost time, but they were happy and quiet in the moment, so why should anyone care?

Adults also follow the glowing leader. We pull out our phones during work meetings and church services to make sure we didn't miss an email, post, tweet, or comment. I have sat behind people checking their email on their smart phones, who looked annoyed when they had to bow their heads to pray. Then as someone else shared a message that they had spent a week perfecting, this person just kept scrolling. They looked up once, when the next speaker started speaking, but quickly refocused on the glowing screen in their hand. Are we getting the benefits of being in a place if we don't even listen to the material presented there?

Don't fret. I recognize the benefits of smart phones and tablets. I love being able to carry my scriptures wherever I go without throwing my shoulder out of whack. (Keep in mind that my scriptures include The Bible, The Book of Mormon, The Pearl of Great Price, and The Doctrine and Covenants, as well as copious footnotes, maps, a dictionary, and other informative appendices.) I also have a hymn book, which includes sound files for most of the hymns, and as many resources as I care to download. I even have talks from General Conference dating back to 1971 at my fingertips (by my estimate, about 3,612 talks). That's amazing. Of course, I also have games and other apps to distract my mind and help me unwind.

The issue? How we choose to use these resources. We choose to distract our children rather than talk to them. We choose to worry about what our friends post on facebook rather than what the friend sharing a meal with us has to say. We even interrupt people to answer a phone call, when we could let it go to voicemail. Usually, these aren't important enough to be rude to the people around us. If you aren't expecting a call and it isn't from someone who only calls in the case of an emergency, you can let them wait or keep it brief. Try it and see.

I am planning a more in depth post to detail some changes I plan to make in my own life, so don't consider this subject closed. Just ask yourself, what do you want to remember about today? Nothing because you just scrolled through your junk mail or something amazing because you spent time with the person next to you.

[CRAFTS] A Very Fishy Halloween

A while back I told some friends with a fishy last name that they should have a baby so I could make a tiny salmon costume. When they announced a little bundle of joy arriving at the end of September, the gears started whirring faster than the speed of sound. I let my overactive imagination roll for quite a few months. During that time, I picked up a onesie and some pants (to ensure a better chance of the costume fitting appropriately) and recalled some super shimmery fabric in my private stash that would prove perfect for creating a fin and a hat with huge fish eyes.

I wanted to present the costume in a unique way, so I lured an innocent koala to my home. I offered her some cough drops, the only eucalyptus in my house, to bribe her to suit up. I also reassured her that she would go to a good home where she would be loved and adored by a sweet baby fish. She may have been high on the eucalyptus because she agreed to hop into the bag for a photo shoot. Of course, one of the other guests at the baby shower didn't understand that Kayla the Koala was just being a model for the costume. She thought maybe my friends and I loved some obscure show with a koala-fish in it. I think I may just have to write that one. Should I? Would you watch it? Would you read a story about such a creature on this very blog? (So many questions.)

If you are impressed by the photos and suddenly want me to help you become something other than yourself for Halloween, that can be arranged for the cost of materials and a small fee for my genius and potentially bleeding fingers. I'd talk to me quick because such an order would have to be in the works before the end of September. I like to have some time in case something needs tweaked or embellished.

Also, this cute stuffed animal was a special promotion to support a charity called Chapters of Hope. They seem to have sold out of adorable stuffed friends, but they have offered different animals around the holidays for the past couple of years, so don't give up hope.

Kayla's earring displays enthusiasm for marking your possessions with your name.

Kayla reinvents the concept of "four eyes".

[REVIEW] Ship of Theseus

Initially, I pulled this book from the shelf because it was shelved with books written by authors with last names starting with A, but the name on the spine read V. M. Straka.  I flipped through the pages and a pile of bonus features that had been tucked into a plastic pocket in the back of the book. Then, I put it down and started reading another book that I checked out at the same time...and another book...and another book....and another book. You get the idea.

I did a little research and found out that J.J. Abrams (sounds familiar) and Doug Dorst authored this novel. Those notes in the margins which horrified my book-loving heart are actually part of the book, giving the ADHD reader multiple plot lines to follow.

After reading all the way to the end, I feel like the book should have a guide for possible ways to read it. This may lead to SPOILERs, so you can stop reading now if you want (and pick up when the numbers stop but I fear spoilers live there as well):

1. I read each page as it came, including all the notes in the margin. If you want to try to read it chronologically, I suggest starting with the novel including the footnotes, then reading the black all capitals with blue cursive (first meetings on the page), then the orange and green (growing trust of the margin critiques), then the red and black (this seems to be after they meet in person), and black and black (they are sharing the same pen).
2. Since the book was borrowed from the library, I have no idea where the extra reading material which included some letters, many postcards, and a newspaper originally resided. I can't help but wonder if they were inserted in particular parts of the book. As I mentioned before, I read through them a while before I read the book. They made more sense after reading the book.
3. If I didn't have a huge backlog of books to be read, I would probably read through it again because I am sure I missed some nuances, but not the monkey. You can never miss the monkey. (See, I warned you about spoilers.)

My favorite plot clearly involves the monkey. A rough drawing of him even made its way into the margins. He adds a bit of whimsy at times and even creates some havoc along the way.

Of course, the main character of the novel is a mysterious man, who goes by "S" because he doesn't know anything about himself. As he pursues more knowledge about who he is, a mysterious woman appears time and again to haunt him. He continues to be torn by his desire to be reunited with her and a seemingly unrelated need to obey some unknown force or organization that sends him out on missions at each port. Even when it seems that he has escaped, some force always draws him back to the Ship of Theseus, which features a crew that offers him little comfort. In fact, due to a shared physical features, they probably just gave him nightmares.

Another struggle unfolds in the margins where two readers/scholars bond over the trials and tribulations faced by the mysterious "S", as well as other characters created by the equally mysterious Straka. Their own story takes a few thrilling twists and turns that they hint at in their margin conversations.

If my somewhat cryptic review has you asking questions, remember to look for this book under the name J. J. Abrams not V. M. Straka.