The turkey remained in reruns—turkey salad sandwiches, cold turkey sandwiches, turkey in omelets, turkey in spaghetti, just plain nibbling on turkey… Yet the Christmas season joyously got ushered in by those wishing to have just one holiday at a time as they finally put up the tree and made the whole house resemble a miniature North Pole.So it was time for another family to receive a gift that would keep giving for years to come.
As Petunia and Violet pulled at the shiny green wrapping paper, their aunt grinned at her brother and sister-in-law. The other adults blithely returned her smile until the gift was fully revealed. Trapped inside a sturdy cardboard box lay the keeper of Santa’s secrets and revealer of children’s choices: an elf on the shelf. Mom and dad exchanged started looks.
Aunt Mary grinned at her brother. “Remember that singing snail you bought Sebastian? Well, I knew you would love this just as much.”
Mom rolled her eyes at dad, accusation clearly etched on her features. Dad shrugged at her as the kids opened the box to reveal the elf dressed not in a little red outfit, mimicking the great king of Christmas himself, but in a plain white t-shirt and jeans.
“Let’s name him Arthur?” He grinned.
“Like Arthur Christmas?” Petunia asked.
“No, like the Fonz, eh?” Dad replied with a double thumbs up.
“Who is that? Ew. No!” Violet whined.
“How about John Cocoa Mallowcream?” Mom suggested.
“Yeah. That sounds festive,” Petunia agreed.
“And fancy,” Violet added.
Mary covered her mouth with her hand but the giggles still slipped past her fingers. “Oh yes, so fancy that it hurts so good.”
The children gave her disapproving looks of disdain and started to pull John out of his box.
“Nope. Don’t touch him,” Mary cautioned.
The girls paused, hands outstretched and worry now etched in their tiny eyes, “Why not?”
“Is he okay?”
They leaned forward to peer at him more closely, as if expecting to find him injured in some way.
“He is just fine, but if a child’s hands touch him, his magic won’t work and he won’t be able to tell Santa all the good things you are doing. Mommy and Daddy get to take care of him and keep him comfortable during his stay.”
Daddy shrugged his shoulders before patting his wife on the back, “Good thing Mommy is so hospitable.”
Mommy glared at her sister-in-law and husband, “I have never heard that children can’t touch him without affecting his magic, but sure, I will make him comfortable.” By some small miracle, her acquiescence sounded less like a threat than she intended.
“Thanks, mommy,” Violet and Petunia offered as one, lifting the box up for their mom to inspect.
Her face softened as she looked into theirs. She carefully opened the box and set the newest member of their family on the shelf next to the television.
“Now he can watch you while you watch Christmas movies,” she said.
“Our movies, right?” Petunia asked, hinting at the fact that most of the Christmas movies were the recycled stories aired on Mommy’s favorite holiday channel.
“Of course, dear. Anything you want. I want John Cocoa Mallowcream to give Santa a good report on me, too.” She winked conspiratorially at her two tiny humans.
The girls high-fived each other and went to sit quietly on the couch while the adults talked. Despite their best efforts to show John what very good girls they were, they eventually devolved into a tickle fight that ended when Violet fell off the couch and began crying. A few mommy kisses healed all wounds and they resumed catching up and showing off their best behavior.
By the time Mary left, John was all but forgotten in his spot on the shelf. Of course, Mom knew she would be getting up early to set up some elaborate scene for her new best friend. Otherwise, her observant daughters would call her out on how their elf didn’t move, so Santa hadn’t received his report.
The girls took forever to go to bed and then Daddy wanted to talk. He never once mentioned John, but he was the only thing on Mommy’s mind. When Daddy talked himself out and began softly snoring, Mommy pulled out her phone and began scrolling through scene ideas, hoping to find enough to get her through the holiday season without any meltdowns from her kids.
As her brain swam with a million different scenarios and her eyelids drifted toward each other, a sound downstairs brought her back to the land of wakefulness. She slowly slipped out of bed and padded downstairs. She peeked into the living room to find John standing in the middle of the floor with a tree from her miniature Christmas village clutched in one hand. He beckoned her forward and moved the tree closer to his lips.
“There she is. The busiest woman in the house. I just wanted to thank you for welcoming me into your home. With a little song.”
She stared at him but her feet accepted his invitation and brought her to the couch where she finally let her muscles relax as her guest sang her to sleep.
“There's a jolly man with reindeer
Livin' way up at the North Pole
He's got a full sleigh waiting in his front yard
You know he thinks that he's got it so good
“And there's a woman in the kitchen
Bakin' cookies for the workshop
And he looks at her and says, "Hey darlin'
I can remember when you could build a clock."
“Oh, but ain't that Christmas for you and me?
Ain't that Christmas somethin' to see, baby?
Ain't that Christmas keepin’ hearts free, yeah?
Gifts and goodies for you and me
Oh, yeah, for you and me
Ey!
“Well, there's a young man in fuzzy gloves
Buildin' a rock 'n' roll snowman
He's got merry eyes, merry smile
He says, “Santa's nice list is my destination"
“Cause they told me when I was younger
Sayin', "boy, you're gonna get the best present yet"
But just being nice didn’t promise those dreams
If time isn’t well spent
“Oh, but ain't that Christmas for you and me?
Ain't that Christmas somethin' to see, baby?
Ain't that Christmas keepin’ hearts free, yeah?
Gifts and goodies for you and me
Oh, yeah, for you and me
Ey!
“Well, there's people and nice people
What do they know, know, know
Be kind and play nice all year
And your Christmas gifts will grow and grow
Ooh, yeah
“And there's naughty and there's nice
So goodness becomes a big deal
When the holidays come around this year
And bring promised Christmas cheer
“Oh, but ain't that Christmas for you and me?
Ain't that Christmas somethin' to see, baby?
Ain't that Christmas keepin’ hearts free, yeah?
Gifts and goodies for you and me
Ooh
Ooh yeah
“Ain't that Christmas for you and me?
Ain't that Christmas somethin' to see, baby?
Ain't that Christmas keepin’ hearts free, yeah?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Gifts and goodies for you and me
“Ooh yeah
Ooh yeah.”
Mom stretched big and reached for her husband. She only found the back of the couch. Her eyes fluttered open and focused on John who remained on his shelf beside the television, smiling down at her with elven innocence.
“I dreamed that, right?” She asked him.
Of course, he didn’t respond.
~~~
Clearly, I have a fondness for elves on a shelf—as long as they remain on these digital pages of fiction and not at my house demanding I help them do something fun and creative every day. I just don’t have it in me to be that fun and creative every day. Why else would these posts happen approximately once a week???
Also, John Cougar Mellencamp rocks....Sadly, I do not rock as well. Forgive my slightly faulty song. Proofreading with young children is a crap shoot and I just hope I didn't change any words to whatever the children were fighting over ;)
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