Don’t Tell [FICTION]

“I’ll never tell you where I hid the jewels.” Grace clamped her mouth closed on the last word.

The taller man laughed and handed the gun to his stocky companion. He rolled up his sleeves to reveal arms thick with hair that they evoked images of a charging bear. Grace looked away as he took a step forward and placed a thick thumb under her chin.

“You’ll tell me everything.” He assured her.

Grace started to shake her head but stopped herself. Instead, she closed her eyes.

“Come on, Ed. We don’t have time for games.” The shorter man tightened his grip on the gun and stepped toward his partner.

“Don’t worry about it, Sam.” The taller man buried his hand in the dark curls that fell past the woman’s cheek.

As he jerked her head to the side, he leaned in to whisper in her ear. “Just tell me.”

“Are you trying to romance me?” She asked through gritted teeth.

“Not yet.” He pulled her head backward until her mouth dropped open.

He slapped her until her teeth rattled. A soft keening sound filled the air. The shorter man looked away. His pale eyes focused on the far wall. The keening stopped as Ed released her hair.

“Maybe I need to be a little more personal.” He grinned and reached for her hand.

She tried to pull it from his grasp, which proved impossible with her wrist firmly secured to the sturdy wooden chair.

“This will only hurt as long as you let it.” He produced pliers from his back pocket and closed them over her pinkie.

She screamed. Sam glanced at her and quickly turned away as his face paled. Ed’s face remained unchanged as he moved the pliers to her ring finger.

“Two.” As the pliers locked, a cracking sound erupted from her fingertip and the corners of his lips twitched.

“Stop.” Grace wept. “Please, stop.”

“Not the words I want to hear.” Sam moved the pliers again.

“Stop! I’ll show you where they are.” She pled. “Just don’t.”

He released her hand. Her fingers curled into the palm of her hand. Silent tears trailed down her cheek as her mangled fingertips touched her palm, but she held them there protectively. Her head tilted away as she surveyed the damage from the corner of her eye.

Ed turned to Sam. “Untie her and bring her outside. I’ll bring the car around.”

Sam nodded, putting the gun in his waistband long enough to free her. As she slowly rose from the chair, he jabbed the gun into her back and led her out to the car. She offered terse directions as Ed’s old beater chugged through the crowded city streets. They finally stopped at a storage facility on the edge of town.

“We’re here.” Grace whispered as she looked down at her mangled hand.

Ed stopped the car and circled around to pull her out of the car. “Show me.”

She reached into her pocket, fumbling with her uninjured hand for a worn key on her crowded key ring. “Unit 427. The jewels are in there.”

His eyes gleamed as he took the keys. “Stay with her, Sam.”

“I’m coming with you.” Sam circled to the back of the car, opening the trunk with his spare key. “She can watch herself in here.”

“That works too.” Ed shrugged and helped lift her into the trunk.

She rested her head against something soft, hoping it wasn’t dirty laundry or something worse. Hurried footsteps pounded away from her.

The two men remained silent as they wove through the units in search of the correct unit. As Ed fumbled with the keys, Sam slowly lifted the gun to chest level.

“Put that away.” Ed didn’t look up. “I’m not going to cheat you.”

“I wish I believed that.” Sam replied, keeping the gun leveled and tightening his finger on the trigger.

Ed sighed and turned back toward the door of the storage unit. “I was afraid you might feel that way.” He turned back toward his friend with a gun in his left hand. “Looks like we have a draw.”

Sam frowned. “I don’t mind going if you go with me.”

As they stood their ground in silence, a soft click from the door caused both pairs of eyes to waver. The door swung inward and two men with assault rifles and body armor greeted them.

The closest officer smiled. “I think we can help you out.”

The second officer gestured with his gun. “Drop your weapons, boys. You’re under arrest.”

Sam’s gun clattered to the ground as his hands shot up above his head.

Ed shook his head and lowered his weapon. “I can’t believe I didn’t see this coming.”

It's been too long, so happy May to you. Hope you enjoyed.

Composed [POETRY]

Hold the truth so deep
That only the vision can see
What keeps from sleep
All who wish to be
Known and loved for true
But no one sees, no one knows
How well composed are you
When no true heart shows
So behold this verse
Written with a gesture, a smile
And hope none are averse
To who you are for a while

I had to slip one last poem in under the wire. I hope the month of verse and rhyme was kind to you, dear reader. Keep reading.

Moment In Time [POETRY]

Catch this moment.

Put it in a jar.

Lock it quietly away.

Take your dream.

Hold your heart.

Hear what it has to say.

Lift me up.

Bring me close.

Put your lips on mine.

Unlock our future.

Take my hand.

Assure me it will be fine.

Couldn't let National Poetry Month pass without giving it a friendly wave. How poetic have you been in April?

Should I Tell You? [RANT]

I blame the unseasonably warm weather for my mind's jaunts down memory lane. I find myself worrying and wondering about people who haven't spoken to me in years. Can I call them friends? Do I have the right to worry and hope for them? If they happen upon this page and realize, "She's talking to me," will they quickly follow it with, "But why?" I never know. The past cannot be changed, but perhaps the future can be rewritten by sending out some positive energy to loves past and present.

To My Shy Friend From Years Ago

I thought of you today. You were one of the quiet ones that shuddered when they made fun of you and cried where they could see you. I wanted to tell you not to let them see you cry, but I was afraid you'd think I was joining in on their antics. When you realized I was on your side, you clung to me. That made me uncomfortable. I hope I never added to your sadness by not being as strong of a life rope as  you wanted. I hope they didn't break you. I hope you realized your worth despite the blindness of others. I hope life is treating you well and you've surrounded yourself with people who get you and support you. Don't give up on yourself. You are worth more than I think you could ever know.

To One of the Many Who Lied to Me

I know our whole friendship hinged on lies. You started with lies about your name and built on them. I think I knew. I kept asking questions that you couldn't answer satisfactorily. Something told me not to point out the pieces that didn't fit into the jigsaw puzzle. Somehow you enter my mind from time to time. I hope you stopped running from yourself and your past. The one truth I know of you is your love for a certain someone that I never met. I hope you returned to them and made things right. I hope you're building a future built on what is real and true.

To One Who Lied to Oneself

Not sure why I keep thinking of you. Most people observing from outside our friendship would think us more enemies than friends, but I care about you, so I worry. I have two versions of you in my mind because you've presented two faces to the world. I sometimes wonder how you know who you are when those two halves are so different. Maybe that is why I worry when I see or read a similar story playing out on screen or page. I hope you are well. I hope you didn't push away people who love you because you feel they don't really know you. People only know what you show them and tell them, and the best friends tend to overlook lies whether those lies stem from outright misleading information or simple omission of important details.

To My Larry (and Eddy)

I've been watching "Leave It to Beaver" because I continue to be fascinated by simpler times. I've noticed that the Beaver and Wally aren't the troubled, disobedient kids I once thought they were from quick descriptions of their antics. In most cases, their troubles come from their inability to stand up to encouragement to misbehave from their dear friends. We all have friends who encourage us to do or not do tasks against our better judgement. If your friends don't respect your opinions or worries, it might be wise not to let them force theirs on you. Make good choices and be kind to your friends.

So cryptic are the thoughts in my head. Hopefully, your thoughts do not tangle and swirl like this.

Review, Renew, Reveal, and Redo [PREACHY]

We step into 2017 and hope to hit a reset button or two in our lives. We look back at 2016 with a touch of sadness for goals left unaccomplished and opportunities missed. If we don't set any resolution besides living our best life, do we set ourselves up for a more satisfying inventory in 2017?

As I ponder my resolutions, past and present, I realize they could be summed up in one simple goal:
Leave the world and myself in a better state than that in which they were found. Isn't that what we want to do when we set goals to lose weight, eat better, pick up new skills, or finish a marathon?

Instead of setting new goals each year, shouldn't we wake up each day and work toward that goal? If we open our eyes and commit to leaving the world better even if only in the most microscopic way, I believe we will ultimately accomplish that resolution. Whether we choose to bring beauty through art, music, or words or we keep our bodies strong and healthy so they are ready if we get the opportunity to serve others, our goals can benefit the world as a whole.

My church encouraged us to fill the world with joy over the holidays by taking time to serve those around us. The campaign lasted for twenty-five days, but the idea should not be limited to only the holidays or only a small portion of the year. So how can we serve in little ways that change the world?

A few of my suggestions:

-Clean up after yourself. Picking up Cheerios that your child drops on the floor at church or making sure your paper towel makes it trash can make a surprising difference to the person you assume will be cleaning up after you.
-Take the time to compliment someone.
-Be more patient with other drivers or shoppers. They may be slowing down because they can't find the street or to avoid hitting an animal you can't see. Don't assume the worst.

Feel free to add your own suggestions. After all, blogs have an option for comments for some reason.

To Know Or Not to Know [RANTINGS]

The other night, sleep would not come. For some reason, my brain got a seed of worry caught in its folds and decided to nurture it. The worry wasn't an important one. An emotional connection with the world around me seems to be fraying and ready to break, but I gather I have more than my fair share of threads breaking. So why do I care about each individual friendship? Why do I want to know? What do I want to know?

I guess I want to know that my friends value me as I value them. And if they don't? Then I want to set them free of my attempts to connect. Sometimes, I feel like people answer my questions or invitations in riddles or delay answering to force me to cut ties. But the soft heart inside of me resists turning to stone and insists on giving the benefit of the doubt. Thus I end up back in the holding pattern, wondering if I am a friend or an annoyance. Wanting to know if this friendship has run its course.

And why do I question such things? I have many friends who share my enthusiasm for keeping connections. Such friends:

1. Call out of the blue to chat, but aren't offended if I can't talk long.
2. Respond enthusiastically to invitations I offer,working with me to mesh our schedules when I am miraculously able to drive hundreds of miles to see their beloved faces in person. (I do try to give them as much notice as possible at least a week or two.)
3. Share their talents with me (cutting my hair, knitting me cute hats) and don't charge me but accept payment anyway because they know I want them to value their talents as much as I do.
4. Forgive me for being weird and roll with it or ask for clarification if needed.
5. Set realistic expectations of our friendship. Allowing me to spend time with other friends or alone without feeling like our friendship no longer has value.
6. Are honest with me. Please be honest with me, not cruel: HONEST. Honesty makes life

Being that it is the last day of 2016 and our minds have turned toward resolutions and being our best selves, how many of us will try to be better friends in 2017.

Looking At the Little Things [RANT]

Like many mothers at this time of year, I am single-handedly running a branch office of Santa's workshop. I bake. I clean. I choose. I package. I label. I wrap. I sew. I paint. I write. I lick. I seal. I clean some more. I ponder. I worry. I buy. I wrap. I bake some more. The list of items I must do to be the best festive elf I can be seems to grow longer not shorter as I work through what needs to be done. Then someone adds one more thing or one more concern to my list.

Then a little bit of green creeps into the holiday. Instead of growing three sizes, my heart shrinks to a third its normal size. My head begins to throb as I repeat the same basic requests and get ignored. And I have to turn my back on the irritant and let it go. I have to refocus on the little things, those things that are truly important but often get overlooked with all the glitter, tinsel, and twinkling lights that punctuate the season. I have to focus on the real reasons I love the holidays and return to my kitchen over and over again in an attempt to share the heart of the season with those around me.

Important basics such as:

1. The love of a Heavenly Father who sent His Son to remind us how greatly we are loved.
2. An earthly family that shared the talent of the kitchen arts with me.
3. The smile on my husband's face as he taste-tests one of the first cookies out of the oven and finds it perfect.
4. My daughter's excitement as she meets a new friend who has come to be with her a result of the holiday.
5. My husband under the mistletoe. (Need I say more about that?)
6. An excuse to craft candy that I love and share it with others so I can still squeeze out of the front door of my house.
7. The anticipation of the beautiful cleanliness of new fallen snow.
8. Peppermint, ginger, cinnamon, and orange aromas on the air.
9. The rustic touch of live pine sprigs decorating the table at the Ward Christmas party.
10. The sweet taste of the little baby oranges that also graced the table of the party.
11. Friends smiling when you picked or made the perfect gift and they know it came from your heart not your wallet.
12. Getting a gift that reminds you how well your friend knows you even though most people would never understand.
13. Christmas hymns floating on the air.
14. The soft voice that reminds you to smile and speak kindly to a stranger who is probably as overwhelmed by holiday obligations as you are.
15. The grateful smile you receive for obeying that voice.

Before I saw the announcement about the light the world initiative, I decided to pass out cookies to my ward family. I scrolled through the list for names and made labels back in October so that I would have an idea how many cookies, and recipes, I might need to tackle this project. I believe my desire to spread Christmas cheer succeeded. I received lots of startled smiles and got to add some delicious Christmas treats to my holiday recipe book, so everybody wins.

I hope your holidays have been filled with love and sweet surprises. I hope they remind you how important it is to stay close to family, whether biological or by association. I hope your heart grows three sizes and your pants size remains the same. Have a fabulous holiday and as you ponder your goals for 2017, remember to include the most important things, no matter how small they may seem.