My yearly physical wraps up with that awkward moment when the nurse comes back in and strongly suggests that a woman my age should take advantage of the opportunity to get a flu shot. The doctor never asks himself. He knows I find reasons to say “no” to getting a shot. He values his time too highly to let me waste it with my explanations, no matter how valid.
“So how about it?” She smiles sweetly and holds out a release for me to sign.
I offer a slow sigh, not reaching for the paper as I formulate the correct confluence of words to get me out of this sticky situation. “You will never believe this, the last time I got a flu shot, it turned me into a banshee.”
“Pardon me?” The clipboard slowly lowers as her eyes run along my face, assessing my sanity with every micro movement of her eyes.
“A banshee is a screaming woman who announces the imminent death of a member of the family. And the last time I got a flu shot, that is what I became to my family, a banshee, a harbinger of death. I guess it is my Irish blood. It doesn’t respond well to science. It prefers the mysticism of the old country, so instead of protecting me, it made me know terrible events were coming.”
She lifts the clipboard again, flipping past the release to peer at something in my medical history. Apparently, she doesn’t find what she is looking for because she goes back to listening to my story with incredulous eyes and defensive posture. In fact, she holds the clipboard up like a shield, fending off the inanity of my words.
“For about a week, the only sound I could make was high-pitched wail. If I opened my mouth more than a straw required to offer liquid sustenance, the sound escaped. Three family members expired at family dinner that Sunday, just because I tried to take a few bites of pie that I didn’t run through a blender first.” I can see her getting annoyed with my story, so I decide to wrap it up for her before she poked me with a needle just to make the words stop.
“I don’t have a lot of family left and I would hate to change the course of their fates, bringing them to an early end just so I could avoid a few chills and pains.” I finish. “And that’s why I can’t get a flu shot today.”
She nods her head and tucks the clipboard under her arm. “A simple no would have been fine, dear.”
“Hmm.” I remark to myself as she closes the door behind her. “That’s a first.”
I hurry up and pull my coat on, grabbing my paperwork before making a quick retreat. After a story like that, I don’t completely trust that she didn’t rush off to find someone to haul me away to the nearest insane asylum.
~~I wrote this way before the vaccine controversy. Do not assume that I feel one way or another about the vaccine. Be an adult. Make your own decision. And please be respectful of everyone else’s right to do the same.~~
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