Letter

Sometimes a letter tells a better story. Sometimes a letter gives solace that nothing else offers. Sometimes it just alludes to something more. What do you think?

Dear Karan,

Since the first time I saw you, I knew we would always be friends. That day could have been yesterday for how clearly I remember it. Whenever I think of you, I feel that young and lost again for a moment. Do you remember how we met?

It was our first day of school, and I was scared.  When my mother let go of my hand and walked away, I felt that the whole world had turned inside out. Tear after tear streamed down my round cheeks. I could hear other kids laughing. I assumed it was at me. I tried to bury my head in the soft fleece of my jacket, but you wouldn’t let me. You put your hand on my arm, waiting until I looked up before flashing me a dazzling smile. Just that small act made me feel a little better. I smiled back at you through my tears as you reached out to brush them away.

That was not to be the last time that you would bring me back from drowning in my tears of sorrow or fear. You were there for the realization that my first crush did not share my ardor. Your smile made me forget when I lost my first real love. You were the one who reassured me everything would turn out okay when the doctors expressed concern about my oldest daughter before she was born.  The tissues I used to dry my eyes usually came from your purse. Now tears threaten to envelope me again, and I don’t know what will keep them from washing me away.

What causes them to flood so quickly down my cheeks to splash on this page is more shame than sorrow. How could I not know that my rock was crumbling? How could I not see that you were wasting away? James assures me that no one else knew either. You married a strong man and a sweet man who took time out of his own mourning to reassure me when he was the only one burdened with knowing you were slipping away from us for so long.

I know heaven exists. I know that I will meet you there someday. I know that I will be afraid, and, if our souls can cry, I will weep. I hold onto the assurance that you will greet me with that warm smile and pull me into your arms to comfort me. I just wish I could have told you how much I love and admire you one more time before you left this world, but this letter will have to do, for now.

Love,

Tina