I look up to find Elfis eying my leftover turkey sandwich with wide, greedy eyes.
“I am not your mother. And do you really have to appear before December?”
“You know the children can’t wait to see me,” he glances around the room, “or maybe you don’t? Where’s the tree, mom?”
I swallow a mouthful of sandwich, “I am still eating my turkey. The tree can wait.”
“Tsk. Tsk. I think we need to work on your holiday spirit.”
I sigh and place my sandwich on the plate. “Fine.” I brush crumbs off of my hands and head toward the attic.
Twenty minutes later, I stand in the middle of the living room, surveying my Christmas decoration boxes. As I begin setting up the tree, I look up to find Elfis supervising me while nibbling on a piece of pumpkin pie.
“You could help, you know? What brings more Christmas spirit than an elf?”
“Gotta save my energy for more important duties.”
“Like eating my food?”
“Yep.” He polishes off the pie and sticks his tongue out at me. “And reporting back to the keeper of the Naughty and Nice lists.”
I shake my head and resume turning my house into a Christmas lover’s dream.
~~
By Christmas Eve, Elfis’ influence illuminates every room. Day after day, he motivates one of the members of the household place just one more decoration. With the kids, he motivates them to make something new. Inevitably, they choose to make one more tiny rendition of Elfis to decorate our halls. Now the real elf stands in the middle of the kitchen, surveying our collaboration with bright eyes.
“This is good work, family.” He pats my knee affectionately before hugging each child.
“Thanks, Eflis. We’re ready for Santa now.” My oldest declares.
I turn my head so they can’t see me roll my eyes. I know I will be solely responsible for cleaning up every piece of tinsel and handmade treasure and storing them all away carefully so we can overdo Christmas again next year. Elfis basks in their accolades and the soft glow of string lights for a few more minutes and then looks anxiously at his watch.
“Time to report in,” Elfis turns away from us, “One last report before Santa’s big ride.”
The kids cheer and disappear into the kitchen, arguing over which cookies Santa will want this year. Elfis’ attention remains on his watch, so he doesn’t weigh in for a change. I reach out to tap his shoulder and ask one last question, as he looks up from his watch expectantly.
The world around me wavers. My living room blurs like I am looking through mist and then disappears completely. Then I find myself in the middle of a Christmas card, complete with a very happy elf at my side.
“It worked.” Elfish exclaims happily.
“Apparently so.” I agree as I take in my new surroundings.
“Oh. You’re here?” He frowns at me.
“Uh-huh.” I agree absently.
Snow falls gently, adding to the soft white blanket already covering the gentle slopes all around. We stand outside what appears to be an enormous barn. Twinkly lights run along ever edge and every window, casting a soft glow on the stately pine trees that surround it. The soft hum of Christmas carols emanates from two immense doors. One of them opens and a small elf peeks out the door. Upon seeing us, they turn and call out something to those within the workshop. A throng of elves comes rushing out to greet us.
Warmed by the appearance of what obviously constitutes his North Pole fan club, Elfis’ face softens toward me. “Well, since you are here, let me tell you about my home.” He clears his throat and croons from deep down in his frostbitten soul.
[to the tune of “In the Ghetto”]
“As the snow flies
On a North Pole Christmas Eve mornin'
Another perfect toy is made
At the North Pole
“(At the North Pole)
And children rejoice
'Cause new toys come to life every day
Soon enough Santa will be on his way
From the North Pole
(From the North Pole)
“People, don't you understand
Santa needs a helping hand
To get gifts to all the boys and girls on Christmas Day
“Take a look upward with me
And you will surely see
That Santa brings joy tonight
But will this Christmas be white?
“Well, the world turns
And another elf finishes a cookie
So he can make a masterpiece toy
“At the North Pole
(At the North Pole)
And the pride he takes
In what he creates brings toys to life
So another good child basks in Christmas light
From the North Pole
“(From the North Pole)
“That one night changes children’s hearts
Santa Claus brings joy to all
He soars so fast, he doesn’t stall
Down each chimney, and under each tree
“He leaves a sweet gift
To be found Christmas morn by each boy and girl
Who was good and kind through the whole year
From the North Pole
(From the North Pole)
“So he brings perfect gifts
(From the North Pole)
“On a North Pole Christmas Eve mornin'
Another perfect toy is made
At the North Pole
“(At the North Pole)
“And Santa brings joy
From the North Pole
(From the North Pole)
(From the North Pole)”
I stare, mesmerized for a second by his revision of a heartrending classic. I may have stood staring in wonder forever if another elf hadn’t rushed up to shake his hand.
“Agent Peppermint, that was fantastic.”
Spell broken I ask, “Agent Peppermint?”
“A guy can’t pick his last name,” he mutters. “Don’t mention it again.” He raises his head forcefully to give me a stern look and the loose lock of hair that dangles over his forehead jumps erratically.
“Of course,” I breathe deeply to stifle the laugh bubbling up inside.
Elfis narrows his eyes, “To anyone…or it’s the Naughty List for you forever.”
I nod silent agreement. No one wants to be on the Naughty List—no matter how old we get.
~~
I know some of you wait for more from Elfis every year, so this contribution is for you. As I wrote this one, it occurred to me this one might make a better music video than a story, but if I take up drawing and animation, I will never finish any of the items on my already bulging list of “to dos”. I have to realize at some point that I can not pursue all my interests at once. Good thing I believe in eternity, right?
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