Peppermint and hints of cocoa wash over me as a gentle humming noise summons me from sleep. I recognize the tune—“Santa Claus Is Coming to Town.”
“Elfis, give it a rest.” I mumble as I roll over, pulling my pillow over my head.
Tiny feet tap dance across my stomach as a soft weight falls on my face. “Wake up, Mother, you have to help me set up the karaoke machine for my friends.”
I mumble under my breath. “Little monster.”
“You know I am an elf not a monster and you promised.”
I question again why I invited this tiny tyrant into my house. Since I discovered his penchant for singing, concerts have filled our house from Thanksgiving to Christmas. And yesterday was Thanksgiving.
I finally stumble downstairs, lashing my bathrobe tightly closed as I step off the last stair and turn toward the living room. The murmur of hushed voices fades away as my eyes rest on every sane mother’s worst holiday nightmare. A dozen or more tiny elves perch precariously on most of the surfaces in the room, ironically none on a shelf. One waves shyly to me from one of the fan blades, stirring up a cloud of dust that tickles my nose and sets off a cascade of sneezes.
“Bless you, Mother.” The elves sing out as one. “Thank you for letting us visit you."
I blink my eyes, unsure how to respond to this chorus. They stare blankly back at me with shiny eyes and I stifle a shudder. It strikes me that this would be the most terrifying haunted house for parents. I cross my fingers that my children will exhibit their normal penchant for deep sleep as I lean over the karaoke machine and begin fiddling with wires and knobs.
“Mother,” Elfis’ voice breaks the silence.
I turn to find him standing at my side with an elf who would be a perfect fit for the haunted house idea that takes firmer roots in my mind. I can’t look away from her. She is the most shapely elf I have ever seen, which isn’t saying much. Instead of sporting festive colors, she wears a dress of black satin. I boggle at the high heels poking out from under the hem. As I continue to take in her blue eyes, lined with dark liner and dark red lips, I find my mouth dropping open in confusion.
“This is my girlfriend—Elfira,” Elfis introduces her as she curtsies low.
To successfully complete this maneuver, she grabs the edge of her voluminous black skirt as she lowers her head topped with a bouffant of dark hair. As she looks back up at me, she bats her long, dark lashes innocently.
She grins sweetly at me, “You seem confused. Didn’t Elfis tell you that Halloween has elves, too?”
“On top of all the ghouls and goblins?”
“Yes. The ghouls and goblins are just in it for the fun. The Halloween elves report back to the Boogie Man and let him know which kids need a monster to sneak out from under their bed to steal their candy on the first day of November.”
I gasp.
“Yeah. Your son was too naughty to be allowed to eat all that candy.”
“But he accused me of eating it?”
“They usually do.”
“If I am going to be accused of eating the candy, I would like to actually get to enjoy it.”
“I’ll mention that to the monsters.” She grins at me.
“Enough business, let’s sing, baby.” Elfis declares.
As he lifts the microphone in both hands, he winks at Elfira. She giggles and takes a seat up front to watch. After making a kissy face at his number one fan, Elfis clears his throat and launches into a familiar tune with more festive words:
“Maybe I didn't drink you
Quite as slow as I should have
Maybe I didn't sip you
Quite as often as I could have
Little things I should have added
But just never took the time
“You were always in my cup
You were always in my cup
“Maybe I didn't stir you
All those frosty, frosty nights
But you know I prefer you
To thick eggnog delights
If I made you feel second best
Cocoa, I'm so sorry I’m a schlep
“You were always in my cup
You were always in my cup
“Tell me, tell me that your sweet taste hasn't died
Give me, give me one more sip
To put some marshmallows inside
“Little things I should have added
I just never took the time
“You were always in my cup
You were always in my cup
You were always in my cup
“Maybe I didn't drink you
Quite as slow as I should have
Maybe I didn't sip you
Quite as often as I could have
Maybe I didn't stir you
All those frosty, frosty nights
But you know I prefer you
To all other Christmas treats
Maybe I didn't drink you
Quite as slow as I should have”
As his voice fades out, Elfira steps forward with a tiny steaming mug. He offers her the first sip and they slowly share the cup of cocoa while another elf steps forward to regale us with a less winning rendition of a classic song.
~I knew this would kick off the holiday right, so enjoy. I think this little guy was one of my most loved characters of 2021. This idea actually hit me in the middle of summer. Nothing makes you think of Christmas like melting in the summer sun. I recently saw that Netflix has a show featuring the elf on the shelf. I haven’t watched it yet, but if he resembles Elfish, I might have more readers than I thought.~
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