Our Family [RANT]

I called my stepsister last week to let her know we would be in town. She may or may not have squealed with delight before inviting me to her daughter’s wedding reception. Having met this bonus niece twice, I promptly accepted and volunteered to invite my brothers and father to round out the motley crew of “who are you again?” guests.

Only one brother and my nephew were able to make it. Oh, and me and my three pack of blue-eyed cuties. The oldest of these made it sound like we were forced to attend. My family is an acquired taste that he has no intention of developing. 

But we showed up a bit early and hung out at the venue. My girls assured that I got lots of hints of sulphur and brimstone by insisting we needed to keep checking out the bathroom that showed signs of being entrance to the fiery bowels of the earth. A sign even warned us that the water comes out hot to reinforce this supposition.

Aside from that, the venue was as lovely as ever. One child fell in love with a stuffed bear but was denied a new friend. The other spent most of the previous night having more fun than could be anticipated at that hotel and fell asleep at the reception. She grudgingly woke up to play with her cousin at one point, but she wouldn’t have forgiven herself if she missed out on cousin time.

I should share about our accommodations the previous night. Key features of the hotel included an outdoor pool that was still covered despite claiming a functional indoor pool on the booking site, hallways that reeked of cigarette smoke, a smoke detector both disconnected and wrapped in cling wrap, stale pastries, a moldy ice machine, and pillows that smelled of dog. This last wasn’t really an issue for me, but we requested a pet and smoke free room due to extreme allergies in one member of our party. And this room was the only one available, despite our specific reservation, because it was out of service due to a broken television that turned out to just be a broken remote. At least our media starved darlings didn’t eat us for entertainment. But I digress.

As we waited for the reception to start, another couple wandered over. The husband swore I looked familiar. I said we might be related. Turns out they were from the groom’s side. They lived in the city where I went to college but not while I was there. I half expected to be identified as the chick in the cloak though…

My first view of the groom found him carrying a huge roaster full of pulled pork. His wife, my niece, was helping set up food. We are hardworking people even on our special days. My mama taught me not to come empty handed, so I brought black and white cookies and three loaves of banana nut bread. I got compliments for both. The best compliment was my great nephew telling me I did a really good job on the cookies. I suppose he will require me to bring my children and cookies for every subsequent visit. Otherwise, he might deny me admittance to his Nana.

Another guest told me how fast the banana nut bread was being devoured. It has received accolades before. Thank goodness for Betty Crocker. I also amused some guests by reminding the bride of how she is related to my brother and I. We like to keep familial relationships complicated where I am from. (“Well, I am your step-aunt but I am probably also your fourth cousin once removed. I bet we are related another way too, but let’s stick to what I currently know, shall we?”)

Aside from that, the reception proved uneventful for my normal familial small town gatherings. I feel like my troops’ attendance may have doubled the number of guests for the bride’s side. Events are hard to plan so close to the start of the school year.

I say that because another bonus nephew is having a half birthday party this weekend. The weather is being unkind, so the date got switched, but the cupcakes will still be delicious. That’s right, I don’t plan to come empty handed to that party either.

I have regaled you enough with my own family, so my in-laws just get an honorable mention. They tried to fatten me up, but I succeeded in practicing a modicum of self-control, so I am still around the same weight as when I left for my magical journey to family time.

Stay cool, my friends. Have fun in school, kiddos. And, moms, get ready to deep clean like your fall depends on it.

The 50s Housewife Experiment Revisited [RANTINGS]

Last year, I shared my desire to behave more like a 1950s era housewife. I posted twice on the subject and then no more was heard from the social scientist. Why? Strange nausea and distraction gave way to obsession and sleep deprivation. None of these events made me feel like I was in touch with a 50s housewife. Today, I realized I have the final ingredient for my 50s household--a tiny baby to love, care for, and be amazed by.

So my daughter continues to amaze me. She also makes me feel like I have begun my own cooking show. I place her where she can see me without being splashed by soapy water or hot grease. Instead, I shower her with commentary about her beauty; what I am cooking, chopping, or washing; and any other topic that pops into my head. I often wonder if I should put such delightful banter into syndication. That ambition fades as I remember that sometimes I sing and only a very old lady at church has ever told me I have a nice voice. Most other people change the subject when I ask for an honest answer about that hot topic.

Anyway, as today is the first Mardi Gras since I became a mom, I decided that making a king cake would be too much of an undertaking for me and my princess. I decided to make monkey bread instead and take the easy route with cans of crescent rolls, cream cheese, and a cinnamon sugar mix. While not as tasty as homemade king cake, it has helped make me fatter this Tuesday. Dipping some bites in melted chocolate certainly enhanced that outcome.

Another feature of my standard day features leftovers. Today, some lonely meatloaf from the fridge made a nice lunch when I heated it up with broccoli, cauliflower, and garlic until piping hot. I washed that down with even more monkey bread in keeping with my theme for the day.

All that eating made me tired, so I snuggled up to the little one and tried to get some sleep. Sadly, I am getting over something, so my coughing kept waking us up from our slumber. That means we should be headed back to bed soon.

How did you celebrate Mardi Gras, my friends?