Our Family [RANT]

I called my stepsister last week to let her know we would be in town. She may or may not have squealed with delight before inviting me to her daughter’s wedding reception. Having met this bonus niece twice, I promptly accepted and volunteered to invite my brothers and father to round out the motley crew of “who are you again?” guests.

Only one brother and my nephew were able to make it. Oh, and me and my three pack of blue-eyed cuties. The oldest of these made it sound like we were forced to attend. My family is an acquired taste that he has no intention of developing. 

But we showed up a bit early and hung out at the venue. My girls assured that I got lots of hints of sulphur and brimstone by insisting we needed to keep checking out the bathroom that showed signs of being entrance to the fiery bowels of the earth. A sign even warned us that the water comes out hot to reinforce this supposition.

Aside from that, the venue was as lovely as ever. One child fell in love with a stuffed bear but was denied a new friend. The other spent most of the previous night having more fun than could be anticipated at that hotel and fell asleep at the reception. She grudgingly woke up to play with her cousin at one point, but she wouldn’t have forgiven herself if she missed out on cousin time.

I should share about our accommodations the previous night. Key features of the hotel included an outdoor pool that was still covered despite claiming a functional indoor pool on the booking site, hallways that reeked of cigarette smoke, a smoke detector both disconnected and wrapped in cling wrap, stale pastries, a moldy ice machine, and pillows that smelled of dog. This last wasn’t really an issue for me, but we requested a pet and smoke free room due to extreme allergies in one member of our party. And this room was the only one available, despite our specific reservation, because it was out of service due to a broken television that turned out to just be a broken remote. At least our media starved darlings didn’t eat us for entertainment. But I digress.

As we waited for the reception to start, another couple wandered over. The husband swore I looked familiar. I said we might be related. Turns out they were from the groom’s side. They lived in the city where I went to college but not while I was there. I half expected to be identified as the chick in the cloak though…

My first view of the groom found him carrying a huge roaster full of pulled pork. His wife, my niece, was helping set up food. We are hardworking people even on our special days. My mama taught me not to come empty handed, so I brought black and white cookies and three loaves of banana nut bread. I got compliments for both. The best compliment was my great nephew telling me I did a really good job on the cookies. I suppose he will require me to bring my children and cookies for every subsequent visit. Otherwise, he might deny me admittance to his Nana.

Another guest told me how fast the banana nut bread was being devoured. It has received accolades before. Thank goodness for Betty Crocker. I also amused some guests by reminding the bride of how she is related to my brother and I. We like to keep familial relationships complicated where I am from. (“Well, I am your step-aunt but I am probably also your fourth cousin once removed. I bet we are related another way too, but let’s stick to what I currently know, shall we?”)

Aside from that, the reception proved uneventful for my normal familial small town gatherings. I feel like my troops’ attendance may have doubled the number of guests for the bride’s side. Events are hard to plan so close to the start of the school year.

I say that because another bonus nephew is having a half birthday party this weekend. The weather is being unkind, so the date got switched, but the cupcakes will still be delicious. That’s right, I don’t plan to come empty handed to that party either.

I have regaled you enough with my own family, so my in-laws just get an honorable mention. They tried to fatten me up, but I succeeded in practicing a modicum of self-control, so I am still around the same weight as when I left for my magical journey to family time.

Stay cool, my friends. Have fun in school, kiddos. And, moms, get ready to deep clean like your fall depends on it.

Wrapping Up Summer [RANT]

This week’s offering on substack was free for all because I felt like it. I also feel like I need to write more fiction, yet here I am typing up a travelogue of my week. It started out mellow with church and family time.

Monday was less mellow. Having all three of my loves home resulted in lots of near misses. Most notably, my husband came rushing to the bathroom right after I told him I needed to pee. He was surprised to find me washing my hands. Apparently, I have created the expectation of being able to empty my bladder at the speed of sound. Maybe that is why I am so exhausted—trying to keep up with unrealistic expectations.

Maybe it is because my body woke me up at 6:30 in the morning on Tuesday and my brain decided I needed to stay awake even though I wanted to get a little more sleep before our big day at the water park. This was all of the girls in household’s first trip to a water park. Much to my shame, I did not contemplate the enclosed tunnels of the tube slide before talking my youngest into joining me on it. As soon as I realized how dark our short journey would be, she started screaming that it was too dark. Too late for me to do anything but try to comfort her and promise it would be over soon. She wouldn’t even try the lazy river with me after that. She did love leaping from lily pad to lily pad in another small pool with the assistance of a rope lattice and, of course, she adored the kiddie slides that she was almost too tall for. 

Her sister adored the tube slides. She kept running off and disappearing to go down them. I was not really surprised that my daredevil was into it. I may have been mildly amazed she was willing to carry a tube up four flights of stairs though. That kept me from going over and over again though the girls’ friend kept trying to convince me to go with her. Three of us did ride the family raft where the lifeguard informed me he hated his job. His opinion didn’t change when he accidentally slid down behind the group ahead of us and then had to run up the aforementioned four flights of stairs. I felt bad for him, but I had seen him flirting with some guests closer to his own age while we waited in line, so it wasn’t all bad.


My sweeties were disappointed when we rushed them out about fifteen minuted before closing. But we stopped at Wendy’s which perked them up and made my wallet happy. Be prepared to spend about as much on food as the ticket price for one person at a waterpark. Making happy kids can be expensive, but those smiles are so worth it. (So save up. Goodness knows I want to.)

On Wednesday, we decided to rest a little as our feet hurt from being on them for about eight hours while soaking in chlorinated water. We had some other friends over for board games and movies. They brought me veggies and meringues and peaches as hostess gifts, so clearly we should spend more time together. 

Thursday, I finally got to celebrate my birthday with a friend. We apparently only go to this one particular Mexican place for my birthday, which is a shame because the food is delicious. Fun was had though I probably spent way too much time talking about people who don’t treat me well. I punctuated it with stories of fun with my cuties though, so maybe I wasn’t as big of a pain as I fear I was.

Hope your week was enjoyable and your feet don’t hurt.