In college, I read “The Fall” by Albert Camus. I wish college wasn’t so far in the past because I was asked (challenged, if you got a chance to read last week’s piece of fiction) to celebrate his birthday, which fell on the 7th of November, by reflecting on whether or not there is meaning and reason to life. Or is life just a bunch of poppycock and nonsense with no real conclusion except to end?
If I reflect back on my own life, I fear this journal might take a turn away from the gratitude and love that the world needs right now, so let me give you a brief introduction to a beloved character of mine named Carlotta Asterom. She came to life in a creative writing class I took in high school, long before you were born, since I maintain that I have lived for centuries. I won’t tell you much about her, but I will let you make your own assumptions from her underachieving “essay”.
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You want me to tell you about life? Life is a farce. A million things happen to you and it is all beyond your control. You can choose your friends, and I hope you choose well, but you can’t change who they are at their core. More importantly, people will judge you for who your friends are. Is that fair? No, it really isn’t.
So what if I have a friend who acts like she escaped from the 60s and wanders around with her head in the clouds. That doesn’t mean I will just let people walk over me like they do her. That also doesn’t mean I buy their false smiles. I know what they think of me, too.
A vampire? Really? Just because I have dark hair and line my eyes with dark liner and paint my lips crimson red doesn’t make me a vampire. I just like being a little dark and earthy. There is nothing wrong with that. I would say don’t be ridiculous, but as I have been trying to make clear: I think the whole world is ridiculous.
Luckily for us all, it has highs and lows. And those highs are so much more satisfying when they are a little bit ridiculous. So how do we find happiness?
Keep aiming for those ridiculous goals. If you want to save every penny you have and live in hovel with a leaky roof, I support your decision. If you want to keep chasing someone who is already married and doesn’t know you are alive, good luck with that. If you do the bare minimum at homework and still think you are going to graduate at the top of your class, keep aiming big.
As for me, I will find my own happiness by keeping my ridiculous friend close at hand in case she wants to weave one of her twisted little tales of sunshine and joy for me. Even a vampire needs a little sunshine and joy.
Ridiculous. I know. That’s my point.
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