Friday, September 22, 2023

Purloined Pants [FICTION]

A muffled chortle pulled me out of a rather pleasant dream. I rolled over and stretched luxuriously. I felt more refreshed than I had in a long time until the noise manifested again. Muffled giggling drew me to the window. As I drew back the curtain, I gasped in surprise. Standing outside my window, my favorite pants hug the hips of someone besides me. As I looked into her familiar face, she lowered the eyelid of one of her dark eyes.

“Seriously,” I grumbled, opening the window and climbing over the sill.


“Eek,” she exclaimed and started running down the street.


“Sienna, come back here with my pants,” I called out, already breathless as I started my pursuit.


We thumped along half a block, sending a couple dogs out for their morning walk into choruses of barking. Curse words followed as windows slammed in our wake. Then Sienna’s luck ran out. My lovely, pink polyester hiphuggers stopped hugging her hips and took a dive for the pavement under her feet. In so doing, they tangled around her ankles and she pitched forward. The thing about Sienna in my pants was that she has always been about half my size, so it was a miracle she ran as far as she did before they foiled her escape.


I barely stopped myself from joining her facedown in front of my neighbors. As I reached her, I slowed down and knelt beside her. “I bet you’re glad you kept your own pants on.”


“A little bit.”


“So why did you decide to sneak into my house and steal my pants?”


She giggled again. Then she hiccuped. But the burp made me painfully aware of where she looked to make decisions this morning. I sighed and helped her up. Luckily, neither she nor my pants seemed injured.


“Come on,” I said. “You can sleep it off at my house.”


“My hero.” She giggled again, leaning on me as I nodded apologetically at all the neighbors who had come out to view our walk of shame.


“Nice pajamas,” my elderly neighbor winked at me as I guided Sienna up my stairs.


Looking down, I blushed and picked up speed, dragging my friend and my nighttime attire out of sight.

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