Thursday, August 29, 2013

(RANTINGS) My Pledge As a Writer

 I thought this would be an appropriate 100th post.

I pledge to...

...seek stories that need told.

Sometimes, my muse visits me in my dreams. She whispers in my ear as I watch the news. She even sneaks into my brain when I am focused on something important that a friend is saying and plants a seed. It is my vow that I shall listen to these notions and seek out more.

...tell those stories.

Through this journal and other writing ventures, I will bring more of these ideas to the page, whether it be this one or actual paper. It does no good if I tell stories that no one hears, so all must be revealed at some point.

...listen to my readers.

If you have a comment on a piece you read, make it. I love feedback. Of course, the goal is to become so popular that someday I can't individually address each of you, but right now, you have the privilege of my prompt responses.

...respond to comments and suggestions (incorporating the ones that will improve my writing).

See above.

...entertain you.

From time to time, I may post something that isn't exactly to your taste, but my interests are so varied that I hope you'll always give me a second chance. Come on back. Let me amuse you.

...support my fellow writers.

I have been offering such support by encouraging other writers that I know. I also buy and/ or request a lot of books for all the gift-giving holidays. I realize I should probably post some links to some of my fellow writers, so that will be another goal for my summer of self-realization.

...keep dreaming.

If I don't keep dreaming big, I will stop writing. Then what will I have to show for my years of devotion to the verbal arts?

...keep writing.

Every word that I put to paper or page brings me close to perfecting my art. I shall keep writing whether people admit they find amusement in my words or not.

...keep hoping.

With enough time, maybe my hopes that people will recognize and reward my efforts can be realized.

...keep sharing.

That's the real point behind this blog. I intend to keep sharing bits of my self-proclaimed genius with those patient enough to bear with my rocky patches and keep reading and offering support.

...keep posting.

So keep checking back. My efforts shall continue to appear on this blog for scrutiny and adulation.

Thursday, August 22, 2013

(RANTINGS) Marriage and Loyalty

I wake up each morning next to the same man I married almost four years ago. I can't imagine having anyone else at my side. He helps me work on projects around the house, encourages me to chase my dreams, offers to buy me Slurpees and notebooks, holds my hand when I'm nervous, and puts up with those little quirks that define who I am and make other people want to put me in a box and mail me to a galaxy far, far away. He also drives me crazy from time to time because we can't see eye to eye on everything. For instance, he refuses to eat his vegetables and a variety of other foods, so we often eat the same five basic meals over and over. Even though I know I drive him crazy as well, we don't intend to call it quits. My own experience with remaining committed to making it work and working through the rough times pumps the blood through the heart of this rant.

I keep seeing relationships fall apart. I understand that not all relationships will work. Sometimes, two people find that they really do have irreconcilable differences. I even understand how some people can draw apart after tragedy, such as the loss of a child, befalls them. In other instances, one or both partners are too different from the facade they put on during courtship. Many people work through these things, but when they can't, they part ways. Logically, I understand this. Walking away from something that absolutely will not work makes perfect sense. So my rant centers around...

Most people on their wedding day declare that they have committed to be with one person "until death (or the courts) should us part." If things go sour, you try to fix them. If that seems like too much work, you should end that relationship before you enter another one. I see too many shows and movies that glorify cheating on your spouse. Most of the time, this happens after the spouse has proven to be an unconscionable heel, but it doesn't make the actions of the cheating spouse right. Two negatives make a positive in multiplication, but that rule doesn't carry into interpersonal relationships.

Why?

First of all, when you cheat on someone, you hurt that person. Even if you think that they don't care, their feelings can still be hurt.

Second, you hurt yourself. When you have a new significant other within a short period of time after your divorce, people tend to guess that the "new" relationship started before the other one officially ended. Even if your former spouse started as a handsome prince and somehow became the ogre who eats goats who try to cross his rickety bridge, he still has some claim to your loyalty until you both agree it isn't going to work. Let them know. Let them go. Then move on to the next show.

Third, people who cheat once are likely to cheat again. How can you promise someone new that you will love them completely when you didn't keep the promise the first time...or the second...or the third.

Fourth, if someone chases or dates you when you are already in a relationship, you can't expect them to remain as interested when the illicit thrill begins to fade away. (On a side note, if they are chasing you and telling you how much they respect marriage and family, while you are married, you might want to give your logic circuits a quality check if you believe them.)

Fifth, you damage relationships that were developed as a result of your marriage to the spouse you cheated on. Mutual friends will feel forced to pick sides. Family members will usually side with the one who shares their DNA. No matter how much you want some things to remain the same, these relationships will be altered forever.

That was very negative, so let's take a little look at...

THE FLIP SIDE

In my limited experience with marriage, which I expect to last not only throughout the rest of my life but through all eternity, I have found the following benefits to being loyal to one person.

First, I have someone to build a life with. When tough decisions come my way, I don't have to make them alone.

Second, when I run out of steam on a project, I have someone to help me finish that last tedious step of a project. Just recently, my husband and I took turns working on a room that needed remodeled. We each played to our skills and met in the middle for the harder stuff.

Third, I have someone to listen to me when I rant about things that drive me crazy. He may not always agree, but he listens before he offers his own input on my vexations.

Fourth, I know that when I am sad and crying, I have someone to just hold me tight and let me listen to his heart beat until I can explain the reason for my tears...but if I don't want to talk, he doesn't press me.

Fifth, a year ago, we helped his grandparents celebrate sixty years of marriage. It was wonderful to see so many people who existed (or had their lives enhanced) by a couple who has stuck by each other through sixty years of ups and downs.

I could go on and on, but I think it all boils down to this:

A love worth chasing in the first place is worth fighting for even when it is just yourself you are fighting against. Make sure you keep the spark going, both of you. No one person can keep a relationship vibrant alone. (That could lead to a long lecture on friendship...)

Monday, August 19, 2013

Ch-ch-changes?

So I am contemplating some changes to the format of this blog. I desire to work on my novels, as well as reward my faithful readers, so I am considering some changes to this blog. Since I have a deep love for lists, I will list some of my thoughts. The numbers will also help those of you who want to offer feedback as to which changes you would enjoy and which you would find terribly disturbing (or undesirable).

1. I will still post an occasional short fiction piece, since I need an outlet for little ideas from time to time.

I am also considering posting...

2. ...poems.
3. ...short essays (or rantings) on various subjects that interest (or aggravate) me.
4. ...recipes.
5. ...reviews of books, movies, and music that strikes my fancy.
6. ...other random things that seem like they may be of use outside of my head.

What do you think, dear readers?

Thursday, June 27, 2013

Secrets of the Boss 12



“Hey, Pole. Let’s grab something to eat.”

“Well…” Officer Polsen’s eyes meet mine in the rearview mirror.

“I’m sure Miss Holden would like something.” Officer Wason continues.

I nod my head and Officer Polsen inclines his head. “I guess it will be okay.”

“I love that place.” Officer Wason points at a restaurant nestled between a vacuum repair shop and a stationery store.

Faded lettering names the place Nonni’s. As we enter through a heavy wooden door, a tiny waitress with greying hair motions for us to seat ourselves. We take seats in the corner beside the door to the kitchen. We listen to dishes clattering and a man barking out orders in an accented voice until our food arrives. The fragrant scent of fresh herbs and slow-roasted tomato sauce loosens our tongues.

“We talked to the men who own the batting cages, but none of them fits your description of the man who…” Officer Polsen focuses on the fading bruises that add color to my face.

“He could be a silent partner.” Officer Wason suggests.

I shrug. “So how do we find him?”

Both officers gaze at me in silence. To hide their lack of response, they fill their mouths with pasta. As they slowly chew, they make eye contact and Officer Polsen nods at his partner. He turns to me and offers me a reassuring smile as he swallows hard.

“If we don’t find him soon, you’ll be moved to a safe house.”

“You’ve been guarding my place for a couple of days and…” I protest.

“Nothing has happened?” Officer Wason puts down his fork and leans toward me. “But we’d feel more comfortable protecting you in a place with less activity.”

“I suppose.” My voice trails off.

We fill the ensuing silence with crunching and chewing. I poke at an immense meatball, pushing it around my plate half-heartedly as my appetite subsides. At first, I intently watch the trail of sauce that follows the meatball around my plate. Eventually, I notice a blue glow growing near our table.  My eyes move upward slowly.

“Look.” Larry says.

I freeze except for my eyes. They follow the trail of Larry’s glowing finger. Looking over Officer Wason’s shoulder, I see a familiar face. His dark hair and orange skin looks more natural under the soft glow of the overhead lights.

From this distance, I can’t hear any of the words flowing from his lips, but I can tell by his grand hand gestures that front of him failed him in some way. As his tirade draws to a close, his eyes find their way to me. His hands stop in midair, slowly sinking to his side as his mouth opens again.

“That’s him.” I choke on the words.

The officers turn as one, standing to shield me as they draw their guns. With a harsh word from the boss, the man at his side reaches for his firearm. He glances worriedly from his boss to my protectors.

“Don’t try it.” Officer Wason warns as he takes a step forward.

The first gunshot deafens the room. I fall to the floor, covering my ears with my hands.

*

I lose track of time. Despite the ringing filling my ears, I begin to hear voices again. I can’t distinguish the words of the boss and his associate, but those closer to me add their music to the din that deafens me.

“Get up.” Officer Wason hisses at me.

I stand slowly, stepping toward him numbly.

“Get her out of here.” Officer Wason pushes me into Officer Polsen’s arms.

He wraps them around me protectively, shielding me with his body as more gunshots shatter my ability to hear. I move with him as he pushes me toward the kitchen door. Warm breath caresses my neck as we push through the door. The clatter of washing dishes and preparing food continues despite the activity in the dining area. No one even glances in our direction as Officer Polsen ushers me through the back door.

As the door slowly closes behind us, Officer Polsen pushes me against the wall to survey the kitchen. More gunshots erupt. Then only kitchen sounds greet our straining ears. Officer Polsen turns the knob attached to the speaker on his shoulder. I hold my breath as we listen for any sound to give us closure.

“He’s down.” Static almost obscures the whispered voice.

 As Officer Polsen looks back to me, he reaches out to touch my face. His fingertips make me aware of the sticky liquid on my cheek. I reach up until the tips of my fingers touch his, pulling them away to look at the rich red blood that stains them.

“Where did they hit you?” As he leans in to gently brush the hair back from my face, I see a red slash across his cheek.

“I think it’s you.” I point, letting my finger linger less than an inch from his face.

He raises his free hand to touch his own cheek. “You’re right. Nothing to worry about.”

A burst of static stifles my words as Officer Wason’s voice crackles from the speaker. “Is she okay to make a positive I.D.?”

I nod my head and Officer Polsen relays my assent. As we pass through the kitchen, the silence strikes me. A cluster of kitchen staffers watches us warily from their post in front of the freezer. I follow Officer Polsen with slow shuffling steps. As the door swings open, I focus on the windows. Jagged shards of glass hang from most of the frames.

I keep walking forward until Officer Wason holds up a hand to stop me. “I’m sorry to ask this, but could you look down just long enough to tell us if you recognize this man.”

As I look down at what is left of the man’s head, my stomach heaves. My heart, however, feels calm again. Larry’s ghostly image smiles at me and fades into nothingness. Officer Polsen puts his hand on my arm.

“Are you okay?”

With relief, my eyes lift to his face. “That’s him. I’ll be okay.”

“We need you to answer a few questions and then we’ll take you home. Okay?”

I nod and turn away as someone throws a tablecloth over the boss’s face, covering it as completely as he once covered his secrets.


~~~
Was this thrilling conclusion satisfying? Did I answer your questions? What do you think?
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Thursday, June 20, 2013

Secrets of the Boss 11




“…safe house?”

I catch two words as I open the bedroom door. Officers stand at the windows on either side of the door, peering through cracks between curtains and blinds. Rough hands rest against the grips of their guns. As I enter the room, the officer to the right of the door whirls to face me, hand flexing over his gun grip for a moment. The other, whose face reveals a few more years, just flicks his eyes in my direction before resuming his survey of the world outside.

“Is something going on?” I ask.

“No…” The younger officer pauses as if to say more.

The soft buzz of his phone fills the silence. He slowly moves his hand from the gun to his phone, watching me with wary eyes as he answers.

“Officer Daniels.”

He listens quietly. “Yes. That sounds good. We’ll be here.”

As he ends the call, he turns his attention back to me. “You need to get dressed, ma’am.”

My stomach lurches. “Why?”

“Officers Polsen and Wason are on their way to pick you up. They have some questions.”

He shrugs as I throw him a questioning look. I return to my bedroom, throwing on baggy jeans and an even baggier hoodie. By the time I step back into the living room, someone is rapping harshly on the door. Office Daniels motions for me to get behind him. I disappear into his shadow as his partner reaches for the door.

As the door swings open, Officer Polsen cheerfully asks, “What took you so long, Neal? Daniels give you some of his years?”

The older man guffaws and claps each of the newcomers on the shoulder. “Just taught him something they used to teach in my day—caution.”

The repartee stops there as all eyes seek my face.

“Ready to help us solve this case?” Officer Polsen breaks the uncomfortable silence.

“Yes.” I answer more hastily than I intend.

“Let’s go then.” Wason says.

As I follow them into the parking lot, Officers Wason and Polsen warily scan the parked cars, shielding me as much as they can without being too obvious.

I breathe a sigh of relief as they help me into the squad car. “Where are we going?”

“Don’t worry. You’ll recognize the place.” Officer Wason turns enough to offer me a half smile.

I shake my head, lean back, and close my eyes.

*

My eyes pop open as the car comes to a stop. I look out the window to see the chain link fence that surrounds the batting cages. A chill washes over me yet fades before Officer Wason opens the door for me. He scans one half of the empty parking lot as Officer Polsen surveys the lot closest to the buildings.

“Why are we here?”

“To look around again. We missed something before.” Officer Wason answers.

“And I am here because…” I peer through the chain link fence as Officer Wason fumbles with a heavy ring of keys.

“Just look around. Maybe you’ll see what Mr. Chase saw...something we’d miss.”

As he pulls the chain free, we all step inside as one. The aroma of worn leather, glove oil, and wood has been infused into the dust our feet kick up. I almost expect the crack of a bat and the whir of high velocity spheres whizzing past me.

I shrug my shoulders. “I don’t even know what he was looking for.”

“Mr. Chase wanted to be a journalist. Think like a journalist.” Officer Polsen advises.

“Who? What? Why? Where? How?” I mumble.

Officer Wason nods. “Why is money. Where is here. How and what have answers here, too.”

As he stops speaking, he steps toward one of the cages. A worn, laminated sign reads “Cage closed.”

He pulls open the door, which squeals in protest. He reaches into a plastic tub filled to the brim with baseballs that sits just inside the door. His eyes narrow as he lightly tosses the ball from one hand to the other. He selects a ball from another tub and juggles the two balls. As they finally come to rest, one in each hand, he walks over to the ball gun. He glances over at me and loads one of the balls into the machine. Seconds later, the ball flies past my head and slams into the fence behind me. I jump as it bounces back to come to rest at my feet.

“Seems to be working. Pick up that bat.” He points to a battered length of wood half-buried in the dust.

I pick it up without thinking. I jump when another ball passes by my head, forgetting the bat in my hands. He grabs more balls from the first barrel and feeds them into the machine.

“Go ahead. Hit one.” Officer Wason encourages as another ball slams into the fence.

“I’m really not much of an athlete.” My shoulders slump and I drop the bat.

He ducks under another pitch to grab the bat. “It’s easy. Just like this.”

As the next ball leaves the barrel of the ball gun, he lines up his shoulders. The bat and ball connect and fine powder fills the air. The cloud glows blue as Larry’s face smiles at me until the powder settles to the ground.

“Now we know how and what. We just have to figure out who the boss is.”

“Looks like this place isn’t opening any time soon.” Officer Polsen observes as he gently guides me out of the cage and leads me toward the car.

Officer Wason follows close on our heels after scooping a couple more baseballs into an evidence bag. The plastic crinkles as he places the bag into the trunk. We maintain relative silence as we pull out of the parking lot. I don’t hear anything but the hopeful thought that as we draw closer to solving Larry’s murder, we guarantee my safety.

~~~
I'm not sure my little notes to you have been distinguished as well as I hoped. This could be confusing, so I apologize if one of these notes looked like a really odd addition to the story. As of now, I must advise my readers that I'll have to start charging a small fee for my reading and editing services since it makes me have to take time off of my own writing projects. (To the person who sent me a piece a couple of weeks ago, I am getting to it soon. Your piece preceded my new policy.) I do feel a thrilling conclusion to this current piece coming soon, so keep reading.

Friday, June 7, 2013

Secrets of the Boss 10

Part 9

The first night with armed guards lounging on my couch passed without event. Even if men in black swarmed the house and filled the walls with bullets, I wouldn’t have noticed. The doctor sent me home with a mild sedative to insure my ability to block out my nightmares, but our definitions of mild clearly differ.

The effects of that one tiny pill follow me into the morning. The new day swirls around me in a haze. Four other cops take turns making sure I don’t trip over my two feet as I stumble through my apartment. When Polsen and Wason return, they find me snuggled up in my bathrobe ready for another drug-induced sleep.

“How did we pull night detail again?” Wason grumbles as I open the door.

He quickly pastes on a smile, shaking his head to discourage his partner from answering.

“Good evening, Miss Holden.” Officer Polsen nods to the officers who flanked me the moment I stepped toward the door but offers them no greeting.

Equally terse, the departing officers don’t even wish me good evening as they step past me. They barely pause to pat their peers on the shoulder on their way out the door. As they reach the parking lot, they regain their voices. Deep voices tease each other as they march toward their unmarked car.

“…Miss Holden?” Officer Polsen waits patiently for my response.

I blush. “Sorry. I’m still a little…”

“I was just suggesting you get some sleep, ma’am. My partner and I picked up those papers you told us about. We’ll go over them and see if we find anything.”

My face scrunches up as I try to remember telling them about the papers Larry left for me. I must have because Officer Wason holds a familiar envelope in his hand. As my eyes wander from the papers to his face, he offers me a smile.

“Things were quiet last night, so we should have plenty of time.”

“Okay. There’s some snacks in the kitchen.”

They step past me into the living room. Their eyes wander over the now familiar room only briefly. Officer Wason gently nudges my hand off of the doorknob so he can close the door.

“Thank you, ma’am. I think my partner’s right.” He nods his head toward my bedroom. “We’ll be right here if you need anything.”

I don’t need more encouragement. I don’t even take the time to wish them a good night. I barely remember to push the door closed before stumbling to the bed and lowering my head to the pillow. My eyes close and dreamlessness claims me.

*

“Wake up, Theresa.”

“No.” I mumble.

“Please. They almost have it, but they don’t see.”

“Huh?” I open my eyes slowly, letting in the blue glow that illuminates Larry’s face.

“Please, Theresa.” He turns away from me, disappearing through the bedroom door.

I push myself up from the bed, grabbing my robe and cinching it tight. As I open the door, three faces 
turn toward me expectantly. Hope brightens the glow around Larry, while the officers faces oscillate from intense scrutiny to worry.

“Is everything okay, ma’am.” Officer Polsen rises from his chair and walks toward me with arms extended as if to catch me.

“Yes, I’m fine, I…”

“It’s very late. We didn’t expect to see you until morning.” He stops just short of me, arms still ready should I falter or fall.

I open my mouth, chasing excuses through my mind until one pops out. “I was thinking about those documents and I wanted to look at them again.”

Officer Wason sets down the paper in his hand and stands up, gesturing to the table. “Please. Any help you can offer.”

I try not to look at Larry, but I can’t help throwing him one helpless confused look before leaning over the papers on the table.

“Tell me you see it.” He says.

I shake my head slightly, trying not to give the officers any reason to take me back to the hospital. I scan through the numbers on the page in front of me. I flip through the pages a couple more times before a pattern emerges through the fog sedating my mind.

“Their profits increase dramatically the third week of every month.”

“That could just be the best week for people who really love to hit the batting cages.” Officer Wason shrugs.

“But it is almost the exact same number every month…even in the winter.”

“That does seem odd for outdoor batting cages.”

“We’ll go take a look when our reinforcements come in the morning. Go back to bed.”

With that dismissal, I glance toward where Larry lingered. Only the officers remain at my side. I shrug and stumble back into my bedroom.


~~~
A day (and night) late. We do seem to be moving toward something interesting, don't we?