Becoming a mother comes with a million checks and balances. Six months with a newborn has left me blissfully happy despite being broke and tired. I try to hide the weariness under a thin layer of makeup and a cheerful smile. Checking my hair one last time in the glass of the door, I enter the bank.
A lovely young woman with dark eyes and darker hair greets me with an energetic smile, “How may I help you today?”
“I am here to see the loan officer, Ms. Pettit.”
“Of course. She is expecting you. Just wait right there.”
I sink into one of the cushy chairs in the waiting area and hope I won’t be waiting long. Otherwise, I might lean into the soft fabric and fall asleep. I double check my phone even though it doesn’t ring to make sure I didn’t miss a message from my sister. This is the first time anyone has watched little Nate and my anxiety won’t stop whispering that a million things could go wrong.
As I lower the phone, a middle-aged woman with her salt and pepper hair pulled into a tight bun steps out of a nearby office. She smiles down at me over her half rim glasses.
“Don’t worry, Mrs. Cass, we will be able to help you in a moment. I just need my special new trainee to finish prepping some papers and we’ll all take a look at your numbers together.”
“Okay,” I struggle to keep my smile in place as I wonder how much more time away from my baby will be caused by working with a trainee.
My smile slips as he steps out of the office. “You’ve got to be kidding.”
The tall man’s giant red shoes make squelching sounds with every emphatically awkward step he takes. His pants are large enough to hide two pit bulls wrestling in each leg without anyone being able to tell. He topped that off with a long grass skirt that swishes as he dances over to me. My eyes keep traveling upward, looking for the next terrifying detail. Blue circles and red stars add softer color to his bright yellow shirt, complete with an orange flower. I stifle a sob of concern as my eyes finally rest on his face.
Perfectly layered paint gives him a white face and huge red lips. A golden star surrounds his left eye. He smiles broadly as he makes an exaggerated bow. I find myself staring into a mop top of curly red string as I bite my tongue.
“Ouch.” I taste blood.
“Did I get you with my lovely curls?” He asks as he comes back up from the bow. “I hope not. I am Mr. Wiggles and I would be so happy to help you figure out the terms of your loan.”
I stare at him blankly for a moment and then turn a vacant stare on Ms. Pettit. She offers a sweet smile as if this is all perfectly normal.
“You can’t be serious,” I finally blurt out.
“What do you mean?” Ms. Pettit reaches for my arm.
I pull away from her, making sure I step away from Mr. Wiggles as well. “I think I will be looking for assistance from a different bank. Thank you.”
I continue backing away from them, glancing over my shoulder to make sure I am not walking into anyone. When I finally reach the door without squelching shoes or clicking heels trying to stop me, I turn around and hurry out the door.
I rush to my car, pulling the door closed and locking it. I peer out the window at the bank, relieved to find myself alone except for strangers passing on the sidewalk. As I take a few calming breathes, the oddness of the situation strikes me. The laughter starts in my stomach and rises up and out of my mouth, filling my car with hysteria.
~~This might have been a good post for October. What is more terrifying than having a clown in charge of your money? Hope you have all managed to stay safe from coworkers, family members, and friends who can’t resist the urge to prank you.~~
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